I lift my brown eyes to his and grin. “Stop being a fucking chick. Feelings don’t need to be bled all over constantly. I know how to talk to another person.”
“Maybe shit could work out with you guys now, ya know,” he says, lifting his shoulders.
“Do you need a fucking tampon? Christ, stop already.” I stand up and grab my cigarettes out of the kitchen. “And smoke that shit outside. Ivy will be here, and my kid won’t be breathing in that fucking poison,” I say, walking out the front door.
Zane comes out after me and leans against the side of the house. “You’re gonna be a fucking great dad.”
I can’t even wrap my head around the idea, so I just nod, finishing my cigarette. My father was one of the best people on earth. He busted his ass to make sure that my mom and I had food on the table. He was fearless, funny, and loving. He taught me how to ride a bike, drive a car, and most importantly how to respect women. The irony could almost make me laugh.
“Stop over thinking shit. You aren’t him,” Zane says.
“Z, there are some things I might question in life, but that will never fucking be one. This has nothing to do with that. Don’t fucking bring it up again,” I growl.
He holds his hands up as headlights flash across the door. “Call if you need me,” he says, walking away. Sometimes I hate that he knows so much about me. It’s frustrating, especially when he starts acting like a chick with too many feelings.
I watch Ivy get out of the car and rush down to meet her. She gets to the small walkway when I do and I place my hand on the small of her back, guiding her to the door. Once inside, she looks around and for the first time in my life I have the urge to explain this house to someone who doesn’t know. I don’t though, not yet. We have more important things to discuss.
“Can I get you some water?” I ask.
“No thanks,” she quietly says.
“Come sit down, lets talk,” I say, waving my hand toward the living room.
She sits down in the chair, so I take the couch. She bites her lip and I smile at the memory of the last time she did that. It’s the reason she’s sitting here now. “So, this is your house?” she asks, still looking around.
I lightly laugh and reach over to squeeze her knee. She jerks back so fast I can still feel her skin under my hand. I shake my head and lean back against the couch, resting my arms behind my head. “Yep, this is my house.” The lightness I was just feeling is now gone, as is my sense of humor. “So, we need to talk about this.”
“Yeah okay,” she whispers, wrapping an arm around her stomach as if protecting it.
My eyebrows dip as I look at her. “Are you scared of me?”
“What happened to your face,” she asks, pointing to my stitches and swelling.
“A fight, no big deal,” I say, giving half a truth.
She slowly nods her head. “You realize you’re a grown man, right?”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I ask through clenched teeth. She’s really pushing my buttons and I’m trying my hardest to not raise my voice.
“You aren’t some young kid fighting in the school yard. You’re an adult who should know better.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath to try to get control of my anger. “There are some things worth fighting for no matter how damn old you are.” Her brown eyes search mine and I can’t read her at all. They tell me nothing. “You didn’t answer my question, do I scare you?”
“Your lifestyle scares me,” she says.
“My lifestyle?”
She rolls her eyes, rubbing her stomach. “The club, the fighting, the anger, the death. That’s your life.”
I can’t stop the anger this time. “That’s not my life,” I growl. “You judged me before you even knew me. When I had to drag you out of your house for your own protection, you screamed like I was killing you. You never gave me or any of us a chance to prove who we really are. My life is preventing fights, anger, and death. You’re just too fucking stubborn to see that.”
“I did judge you and I was right. I saw everything that happened with Harper. I heard you all torturing a man. I heard his screams of agony when he was shot multiple times. Do you have any idea how fucking scared I was? I still have nightmares about it. That shit isn’t normal, legal, or moral. Yet, you sip a beer and laugh with your friends like you just spent the day in an office doing paperwork. It’s a scary fucking life,” she yells, tears brimming her eyes.
I get up and kneel in front of her, grabbing her hands. I search her brown eyes, pleading with her to see I’m not a monster. “I do what needs to be done to protect the people I love. I will never apologize for that. I’m sorry you got pulled in with everything that happened with Harper, but we were protecting you, I was protecting you. What you heard at Souls, that never should have happened and that I will apologize for. We aren’t bad guys; we aren’t the enemy. No one loves more ferociously than we do, and no one will protect you better than I will.” Tears are running down her cheeks as she searches my brown eyes. “Is that why you’re going back to California? I don’t want you that far, I want you to come back here.”
She clears her throat and pulls her hands out of mine. She wipes her face and wraps her arms around her stomach again. “I’m going back to California because that’s where my life is now. It doesn’t matter what you want, Kace.”
I stand up as a fire of fury burns my skin, grabbing Zane’s empty glass from earlier and throwing it at the wall, shattering it, glass flying all over. Ivy shrieks and I turn to face her, my chest raising and falling rapidly with my heavy breathing. “It doesn’t matter what I want? That’s my kid too and I’ll be damned if you are going to keep him from me. My flesh and blood!” I yell. “My opinion matters.”