“You are being quite foolish,” Eliza muttered to herself, allowing the rose scented water to wash over her skin as she sank back against the copper tub. Her eyes closed tightly, her mind struggling to find a peace that she had seemed to lose entirely of late.
It was all to do with Lord Avondale’s return, of course. That was the most obvious explanation. His return to London had thrown her into confusion, even though she had been certain of her decision to refrain from his company and instead, pursue a furthering of her acquaintance with Lord Montrose. There was nothing more to concern herself with as regarded Lord Avondale, for she was not about to be in his company particularly often and therefore, all that was required of her was to chase away any thoughts of him that came to her mind.
Closing her eyes, Eliza gritted her teeth and determined that she would not allow thoughts of Lord Avondale to ruin her intimacy with Lord Montrose. Even though her heart had slammed into her chest painfully on seeing him laughing and smiling with Titania last evening, she would not permit such emotions to run wild through her. Lord Avondale could speak to whomever he wished and she ought to do all she could to ensure it did not affect her in any way.
Her heart, however, was quite unwilling to accept such a determination, for it began to quicken at just the memory of seeing Lord Avondale again. At times, Eliza had found herself wondering about what Lord Avondale’s explanation for his sudden and unexpected decision to marry another would have been, her mind trying to untangle her thoughts about what might have occurred, even though she had very little idea.
It was deeply sorrowful, of course, that his wife had died so soon into their marriage, but Eliza did wonder whether Lord Avondale had truly felt a good deal of grief over her loss, given that they had been wed for such a short time. She knew nothing about the lady in question and had very little idea about her family or the like. Eliza certainly had asked herself, over and over again, what this particular lady had offered Lord Avondale to have him marry her instead of remaining with Eliza, but of course had never been able to find the answers.
The answers were waiting for her now, however, if only she could permit Lord Avondale a few minutes to explain himself.
Splashing the water impatiently with her hand, Eliza shook her head and rose from the water, calling the maid to come and help her dry and dress. She could not continue to be so tumultuous in her thoughts, going from a determination to refuse to even speak to Lord Avondale to then deciding that she might wish to know what it was he wanted to say to her. She had to be firm in her decision. Lord Avondale was a part of her past and, since she was determined to set her back to it, that meant that any explanation was not worth even listening to. After what she had said to Lord Montrose and after the embarrassment and shame that had been heaped onto her shoulders thereafter, Eliza knew she could not even permit herself to question his character again. She had to set her heart on one gentleman and be completely decisive in all that she did thereafter.
Lord Avondale would be dismissed from her heart and mind entirely.
* * *
“Good evening, Lord Avondale. I am delighted that you were able to accept at such short notice.”
Eliza closed her eyes tightly, feeling a swirling sense of both fear and shock writhing its way through her. She could not quite believe what she had heard but yet found herself rooted to the spot, unable to even turn her head to confirm what her mother had just said.
“Ah, Eliza.”
Titania hurried to her side, a small smile on her face and a bright look in her eyes that betrayed a certain mischievousness.
“I must apologize to you, Eliza, for I quite forgot to inform you that Lord Avondale would be joining us for dinner this evening,” Titania continued, as Eliza forced herself to draw in air. “Again, my deepest apologies for not doing so beforehand. I have quite failed in my responsibilities, I know.”
Eliza could barely speak, one hand pressed against her stomach in an attempt to calm herself. The dinner party was only to be sixteen and with herself, her mother, her three sisters and Dinah, that only made for ten guests.
Now, it seemed, there was to be eleven.
“I did not….I do not…..” Eliza shook her head, screwing up her face for a moment in an attempt to regain herself. “You invited Lord Avondale to join us?”
Titania nodded blithely, a smile still on her face. “Of course. He is almost like family, is he not?”
“But you know what he did, Titania,” Eliza whispered, hoarsely, angry tears burning in her eyes. “How could you do such a thing?”
Titania studied her sister carefully, her smile fading although her eyes grew serious.
“Eliza,” she said, softly. “Eliza, I have spoken to Lord Avondale at length and I truly believe that he is deeply regretful over what occurred. He has told me that he had no choice but to turn his back on you and I must say that I do believe what he has said.”
Shaking her head, Eliza felt herself tremble. “That is not your choice to make, Titania.”
“But it is my choice as to whom I invite to dinner,” Titania replied, lightly. “I have no particular issue with Lord Avondale, Eliza, and Mama herself feels a deep sympathy for his loss. I spoke with her and she stated that, so long as you were not troubled by his presence, there was no reason he could not join us.”
“And you assured Mama that I would not find his presence difficult in any way,” Eliza spat, bitterly. “Is that what you are trying to tell me?”
Titania shrugged. “I may have said something akin to that, yes,” she replied, without even a hint of shame. “As I have stated, Eliza, he is here as my guest. I must say, however, that I hope there may also be the opportunity for you to speak to him a little more than you have done previously.”
Wishing she could box Titania’s ears, such was her anger an
d deep upset, that Eliza found herself shaking violently. Forced to take a few steps away from her sister to a small alcove, Eliza remained there for some minutes, taking in long breaths in an attempt to steady herself. She could not believe that Titania had done such a thing, for to see Lord Avondale here, present, when she had not been expecting him, had come as a great shock.
“I can see that Miss Wells did not inform you of my company this evening, as she promised.”
Eliza’s eyes flew open to see none other than Lord Avondale standing in front of her, his gaze fixed on hers.
“No,” she stated, softly, not quite sure where to look or what to say. “No, she did not.”