“It’s okay, boy,” I tell him, placing him down in the tub. “Go wee-wees. Do your business.”
He whines and looks up at me, head tilted, as though I’m confusing him. And, of course, I am. To him, peeing inside must seem like he’s breaking one of the fundamental rules.
“Anywhere you want, boy.” I wave a hand. “Pee all over the suite if you want. My husband is paying.”
The word makes me cringe.
Tears try to prick my eyes again, but I force them away.
The word husband cuts into me for the same reason it has ever since Aunt Gianna told me about the deal. I simply can’t think of him as my husband, or my lover, or anything.
It’s not as though I’ve got loads of experience. I’ve never had a real boyfriend.
But I know I don’t want him.
And now there’s an added aspect, something I should push down as deep as possible.
Despite knowing the truth about Luca – even if I know this pulsating need inside of me is crazily misplaced – I can’t help but imagine him as my husband instead.
All the stuff we shared, affection, and heat would last me a lifetime then. We’d never have to let each other go.
We wouldn’t need to fly away to escape because we’d be right where we belong.
I laugh grimly, shaking my head and pushing the thoughts away.
My parents helped kill his parents. At least, that’s what he believes. He wants me for some twisted revenge.
It’s time to let him go, even if it hurts like hell.
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
Luca
It’s been a long time since I’ve gone on a job on my own. When I was making my name and growing my reputation in the early days, it was necessary to walk the streets myself.
I had to show people to be afraid and build a myth to keep them in line.
But this is the first time in over a decade.
I stalk across the grounds of the hotel, my hands twitching at my side, the mask making my face feel stuffy and clammy. Sweat pricks my body in a thin layer.
I can hear Patton’s voice in my head. Imagine what he’d say if he were here.
What are you doing, cousin? You can’t rescue her. You can’t do this.
It was easy to find out where the wedding was being held, a hotel on the outskirts of the city, with large grounds surrounding it. The size of the gardens makes it a simple matter to make a circuit of the building.
I spot Lena’s room at the end of the first pass.
It must be hers.
Nobody else would have a guard standing outside the window, casually smoking a cigarette. His leather jacket and the way he moves tell me it’s a mob guard. It’s a feeling I get from spending so long around them all my life.
Squatting down, I rest my forearms on my knees and reach into my inside jacket pocket. My gloves make it annoying to handle the foldout binoculars, but it’s worth it to be careful.
Perhaps I can finesse this so nobody will ever know who truly rescued Lena and her dog. Of course, people will suspect, especially Conor since I made the offer to buy her, but he won’t be able to do anything without any hard proof.
Nobody in my Family knows, meaning there’s no risk of a leak.
It’s dangerous, but what else am I going to do?
Leave her to him?
The thought makes me almost snap the binoculars in half, my hands tightening instinctively.
I tried to fight the urge. I tried to tell myself I couldn’t know, right away, that she was going to give me a family. I tried to convince myself I was losing my mind.
And maybe I am.
But if that’s the case, it’s worth it to be with Lena and the only person I ever wanted.
With the help of the binoculars, I can see the guard has a pistol on his hip. It’s difficult to see into the hotel room, but there’s a snatch of a bed, movement – a leg, my woman’s leg, and then her dog bounds up the bed and out of view.
My world spins as I study her leg, then zoom in closer until I can make out her tattoo. The bird makes my body buzz in a new and strange way, as though it’s flying through me, as though it’s offering me freedom as well as her.
That’s it, I realize.
I’m rescuing her so she can rescue me.
Save me from being alone, from never knowing what it’s like to deeply feel, to ache with every inch of my flesh, my soul, or whatever the hell it is. To ache and yearn and hunger like a man should, to turn into a beast to keep my family safe.
Tucking the binoculars away, I stay low and approach the hotel, keeping a wide circuit, so the guard doesn’t spot me. It’s dark, my clothes black, the mask on my face black.