By the timeI pulled into the driveway of James’ log cabin, tension was riding my shoulders up. Fireside chats with your dad can do that to you. As much as I tried to say that I wasn’t in love with James, it appeared to be obvious to everyone around me. Honestly, I didn’t know much about loving a woman. I’d never done it before.
I knew that I wanted my eyes on her all the time and I couldn’t stand the thought of never touching her again. I knew that, more than once, I’d looked at her kid and wished I could say that he was mine. I felt enraged at the thought of her being with another man and somewhat legitimately wondered if she’d be open to getting a tattoo that said Property of Cody Morgan. I also wanted to make her smile and laugh. I wanted to listen to her hum to herself as she cooked dinner and buy her pretty little gifts. I wanted to pick up the phone, call her parents, and read them the riot act about how truly special she was. And I wanted to see her soar. I wanted to see her succeed, do something powerful that made her feel proud of herself. Was that love? Maybe.
But even if they were all right and I did love her, that didn’t change our predicament. James had a life, a son, and she lived in Texas and I still couldn’t open the door to being my father, a man who could lose someone. I couldn’t really love a woman because I couldn’t bear the idea of living a life with her and then losing her. This thing I had with James would pass. She would go back to Texas and I would feel broken, but I’d know that somewhere out there she was okay. And eventually, life would go on. And, in the end, I would know what it was like to have danced in the fire without getting burned.
I shut the truck door and headed for the porch stairs. When I looked up, James was there, standing in the doorframe wearing nothing but one of my t-shirts and her long legs bare. I’d left it in her room a few days ago and she’d commandeered it as her own. She looked ethereal, lit by only the porch light, a soft smile on her face, her hair shining like gold. I wanted her, and not for some hot and heavy make-out session. I wanted to make love to this woman I adored, if she’d have me.
I approached with confidence. Towering over her because she was slouched, leaning her shoulder against the doorframe.
“Hey, handsome.” She smiled.
I cut to the chase. “I want you.”
Her eyes widened but her body seemed to lean in. “Um... okay.”
I felt the corner of a smile perk up. “Okay?” I asked. “I come up the stairs, tell you I want you, and that’s all it took.”
She giggled nervously. “I guess so. I want you too. I want you over here. I want you over there.”
Pride or something like it swelled in my chest as I said, “I want you everywhere.” I swooped down, grabbed her behind the knees, and picked her up into my arms.
“What are you doing?” she squealed.
“Taking you,” I said, already over the threshold and headed for the bedroom.
She laughed. “Maybe you should close the door?”
I turned back. “Honestly, you expect me to remember details at a time like this?”
She swatted the door with her foot. “Okay, so sex and details do not mix. Got it.”
“Brain mush. Man want woman,” I said, heading toward the bedroom.
She giggled again as we crossed into the room.
I threw her down on the bed, and her t-shirt rode up, showing me the tops of her thighs and the slightest hint of the heaven therein. I whipped my shirt over my head, kicked off my flip-flops, thankful that I’d opted for them over boots after my shower, stepped out of my jeans, and then, in only my skivvies, I crawled in her direction.
On my way to her mouth, I kissed her ankle, her calf, her inner thigh, the cotton-covered apex of her core. Pushing her shirt up, I kissed her belly button, her sternum. There were goosebumps all over her skin.
“Are you cold?” I asked cheekily, looking up to her eyes.
She shook her head. James wasn’t usually quiet, but she was quiet now. Her eyes were big and glassy. She ran her fingertips over my jawline. Her eyes fluttered closed, and beneath me, I felt the air leave her chest.
“I…” she said, but no other words came out. Her brows pulled together and there was pain there, struggle. Her mouth closed and she tightened her lips, swallowing. I didn’t know what she was thinking but I only wanted her happiness. So, I scrambled to her lips and kissed her. Unlocking gates I didn’t realize were there, I unleashed everything. I dug down to the darkest secrets of my heart and poured all my feelings into that kiss. And then I knew. I loved her. I would always love her.