Billy
For the first time ever, I didn’t see Sarah sing. I wanted to blame Kat, but honestly, I was the one who chose not to go, and I felt like a real shit. I just couldn’t watch Sarah, heartbroken, up on that dingy little stage at Sadie’s, hoping Kat would walk through the door. I also didn’t want to be the one to break it to her that Kat wasn’t coming.
When I got back to the house on Sunday, Kat was long gone. My mouth was dry, and every little sound was bouncing around in my head like marbles off glass. I’d clearly had way too many pity beers and was monumentally hungover. So, I climbed up the stairs and crashed into my bed. I spent the whole day wallowing, tossing and turning. Sometime in the evening, I showered. I was straight-up broken and not ready to see anyone, so I didn’t go to Sadie’s. I gave myself one day. One day to drown in utter self-pity and then it was back to work.
But now it was Monday, and my life was back to what it was before Kat showed up and turned everything on its head. I was Billy Morgan, the somber older brother to four siblings who needed me. The guy who labeled his lunch and kept his socks and underwear in color-coordinated rows because he couldn’t have too many idle minutes without feeling crushed by his own losses. I was a cowboy who ran a ranch for my dad and that was my life, plain and simple.
I decided to walk to breakfast. I needed a minute of crisp Montana air before my siblings berated me for missing Sarah’s show. I would take the heat. Or maybe I’d get lucky and they’d all be consoling Sarah and dissing Kat because she didn’t show. Either way, it was going to be a morning of heated and frank conversation and the air on the way there would give me the opportunity to approach them with a clear head.
I wanted to make sure that everyone understood Kat and I were not an item anymore. We hadn’t been in ten years, no matter what any of us had been holding on to. It didn’t matter that I knew I would never love a woman the way I loved Kat. I had a place and a family. I made my choice ten years ago.
I was surprised to see Luke’s truck parked outside our dad’s house. Since he fell for Maddie, he didn’t usually come for breakfast. As I pulled open the back door to the kitchen, I heard laughter. The crowd I was walking into was unusually jovial. But when they turned and saw me, all their smiles dropped.
Wyatt spoke first. “Well, if it isn’t the stupidest motherfucker I ever saw?”
I didn’t give him much of a look. Just rolled my eyes and crossed the room, headed for the coffee pot. Sarah blocked me.
“Oh no, big brother. You want coffee, then you best go on back to your house and make yourself some. I’m not doing anything for you for quite some time.”
That was a little intense. The coffee was already made, and our other brothers had missed her shows before. “Come on, Sarah. I’m sorry. I should have been there.”
“Damn right you should have,” Luke said from behind me. “You broke her fucking heart.”
I felt terrible. I really didn’t realize that Sarah was going to be so upset if I missed her show. And my brothers all seemed so worked up. Actually, they were all being a little ridiculous. For fuck’s sake, I did everything for them. Everything. I was giving up the woman I loved for this motley crew, and I missed one show of Sarah’s and they were all jumping down my throat. I tried to keep my rage in check, but it was boiling over.
“Give me a fucking break, okay? I needed time to myself. Am I ever allowed a little time to myself?”
My father walked into the room. He didn’t look at me. Sarah poured him a cup of coffee and handed it to him. He took the cup and walked out without acknowledging me at all.
I pointed after him. “What the hell was that? Is he pissed at me too?”
Wyatt of all people was calm. “We’re not pissed. We’re just disappointed.”
Cody, who was filling his plate with eggs, asked, “I just don’t get it, Bill. Who wouldn’t want that woman? She’s smokin’, she’s successful, she’s fun. What’s not to like?”
Wait a minute. What?I stood there a little dumbfounded. I tried to figure out what the hell was happening with my siblings. Were they mad at me because Kat didn’t show? Did they think I ran her off? That was totally unfair. I tried to clarify, “Are y’all on my back right now because I didn’t come to Sarah’s show last night? Or because Kat didn’t come to Sarah’s show? Because that wasn’t my fault. She was always leaving. I had nothing to do with it.”
Sarah’s lip trembled and she looked at me with such pity.
“Oh, Jesus,” Wyatt said.
“Fool,” Luke said.
Cody started laughing.
“What?” I asked.
Sarah was the one who spoke up. “She was there, Bill. She didn’t miss a minute.”
I felt like the floor fell out from under me. “She couldn’t have been,” I said pathetically. “I saw the text on her phone.”
“She sang with me, Bill,” Sarah said.
“The text said, ‘wheels up, noon.’ I saw it,” I insisted, horrified at my hasty assumptions.
Wyatt rolled his eyes. “She’s a megastar with her own plane, dude.”
I dropped my face into my hands. I had her. She was mine again and I pushed her away. I couldn’t help myself. “FUCK!” I screamed.
“LANGUAGE!” My father hollered from the dining room.
All of my siblings laughed. My father was always trying to curb our language, but I’d been ranching with him my whole life and if he adhered to his own rules, then his mouth would have constantly tasted like soap.
Luke hollered back at him, “He thought she left before the show, dad.”
I heard him push his chair out and he came into the kitchen, “Well, fuck.”
I felt absolutely desperate. “What the hell am I gonna do?”
My father smiled. “You're gonna go get your girl.”