“It’s okay, I’ll buy them.” He sounds very serious, and I love that. “Shall I get cakes as well, or is that too much?”
She looks up again and I shrug. Another thing the therapist said. Let her make some decisions. Give her a sense of security, make her feel she is in charge of her own life.
Within reason. Always within reason.
“Um, okay. I guess cakes will be nice.”
“That’s grand. I’ll go out at six for cakes and chips all ready to get my ears blasted off.” He looks up and smiles at me. “Is that okay with you?”
“It sounds perfect,” I reply.
“Wait a minute,” Allegra says. “How did you know we were on the beach? How did you manage to find us?”
He reaches forward and gently pushes her hair away from her eyes. She doesn’t flinch. In fact his touch makes her smile. “I’ll always find you, beautiful. If I have to knock on every single door in town I promise I’ll find you. For as long as you want to be found.”
His words are better than a thousand I-love-yous, as sweet as a hundred kisses. Allegra steals the words out of my mouth when she whispers her response.
“I definitely want to be found.”
* * *
Allegra goes to bed after an evening of terrible singing and even worse impersonations, and I make sure she cleans her teeth well enough to make up for the sugared doughnuts we all devoured. She asks Niall to read her a story and I linger in the doorway, listening to his soft, lilting voice as he impersonates all the characters.
When he’s finished she tells him about her dancing classes and asks him if he can come to her recital. He kisses the top of her head and promises he will.
I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful than the two people I care about the most falling in love with each other. I’m so fiercely protective of Allegra, it’s taken a lot for me to let him break through, but I’m so glad I did. Because standing here, watching the two of them, I can’t think of anything I want more than for us to be a family.
Later, after we’ve put the dishes away and Niall’s checked every lock he can find, we climb the narrow, steep stairs to my tiny bedroom, squeezing past the chest of drawers and the wardrobe to get to the bed. A sudden shyness overcomes me, as if the months he’s been away have made everything awkward and new. I sit down on the mattress, fingers clutching at the coverlet.
Everything has been leading up to this point. I’ve been working so hard to settle Allegra down, and then there was my divorce and Niall’s show. We’ve never really talked about what happens next, where we go from here. Never had the luxury to think about “us”.
Right now it’s all I can think about. As he stands at the window, staring out into the inky night, I find myself worrying whether he knows what he’s letting himself in for. If he realises how hard it can be, especially when something reminds Allegra of Daisy and she retreats into a stubborn, angry shell.
“What can you see?” I ask him. The muscles beneath hi
s t-shirt ripple as he twists to look at me.
“The moon. It’s beautiful. Big and round like a dinner plate. All it needs is a cow jumping over it.” He holds his hand out. “Come and look.”
I walk to the window and he stands behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, body pressed against my back. I feel warm and safe. Cocooned. A tiny sigh escapes my lips as I stare out at the night.
He’s right, it’s beautiful. The moon hangs low in the blue-black sky, a pale yellow disc surrounded by a peppering of stars. It’s so pretty it could almost be a painting. I crane my head to look at Niall, about to tell him how perfect it is, but then I see the expression on his face, intense and hot.
His lips meet mine, tongue slip-sliding inside. I curve my body into his, needing to get closer. Threading my fingers in his dark hair, I pull gently, making him gasp. He trails kisses along my jaw, down my neck, nipping at the skin softly as he moves. When I close my eyes, I can feel the need tugging at my stomach as his hand brushes against my breasts, my head falling back onto the cold windowpane. Placing his hands on my hips, he pulls me up until my legs are wrapped around his waist. I have to hold on to his hard biceps, steadying myself as he continues to scrape his teeth across my skin.
It’s so overwhelming, this need to be with him, to have this connection. He carries me to the bed—no more than a couple of steps—placing me gently down before climbing on top of me. That’s when desperation takes over, urgent fingers fumbling with buttons, awkward hands yanking at shirts.
We’re skin on skin, my breasts pressed to his chest, and I take a moment to marvel at how wonderful it feels. It’s a sensation I want to keep forever, like a wrinkled and folded snapshot I can carry around in my wallet. When his mouth dips down, capturing a nipple between his soft lips, desire obliterates everything else.
Niall pushes inside me, kissing me soundly to swallow my cries. We take it slowly, hands exploring, lips moving together like we can’t bear to be apart. I squeeze my eyes shut as pleasure radiates from me, my body tightening around him like I can’t bear to let him go. Then I hear his breath catch in his throat. He freezes above me, and I open my lids to see his own eyes squeezed tightly shut as he tries not to cry out.
It’s a moment filled with tiny perfections. The angle of his lip, the bulge of his arm muscles as he tries not to crush me, the ripples in his back as I cling onto him, and the soft curve of his bottom as I slide my hands down.
He drops his face to mine and I feel his breath, warm and fast on my cheek. I turn and we are kissing again, slower this time. The tenderness in his touch squeezes at my heart. As he rolls to his side, pulling me against him, his hand cradles my head to the hard planes of his chest. And I know for sure I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
It isn’t perfect. We aren’t angels. But the three of us have something I’ve been searching for all of my life.
We’re a family. And nothing will tear us apart.