I feel like crying. I know the lure of promises, the hope this time it will be different. I’ve seen it so many times over the past few years. Not once have those promises been kept. “You really believe that?”
She nods, looking down at her hands. “He loves me. And I love him. It’s going to work this time.”
As I drink the last of my coffee, I wonder how long it will be before everything blows up in her face. When it happens I know I’ll be there to help her clear it all up, the same as last time. Not for her sake, but for Allegra’s. The kid deserves to have a bit of stability in her life.
By the time I get to the clinic, I’m worried sick about Daisy and Allegra, and need to talk to somebody. To Lara. She’s always been my voice of reason, a friend when I had nobody else to lean on. Seeing her most days at the clinic is one of the reasons I’m on an even keel these days.
Unfortunately, she has a client with her, so I go up to the office and call Allegra’s social worker. Grace O’Dell is an experienced practitioner; she works with a lot of our clients, and we’ve managed to build a good relationship with her. She’s a no-nonsense type, and when I tell her about Darren I hear her sighing down the phone.
“I can’t believe she’s being so stupid. Actually, scratch that, yes I can. I’ll put her on my list of visits today.” I can hear her shuffling papers. “Is there a space for Allegra at after-school club?”
“Of course.” We have a maximum of fifteen, but I can squeeze her in. More often than not, at least one kid doesn’t turn up. “If I arrange for a pick-up can you let the school know?”
“Yeah, I’ll call them now. At least she’ll have a little bit of normalcy in her life, poor kid.”
“We’ll do what we can. I hate the thought that she still has to go home afterward.” I want to wrap her up and take her home with me, instead. It’s a dangerous thought. I try to quash it before it can take seed.
“You can’t be there all the time. Remember what I told you? If you don’t turn it off you’ll burn out. And that won’t do any of them any good. You either, come to that.”
“I know.” My voice is soft. If I had my way the house would be full of these kids. But social services don’t work that way. Nor does Simon. He’d never let me bring them home.
“When are you going to come over to the dark side anyway?” There’s a teasing tone in her voice. A smile tries to tug at the corner of my mouth but it comes to nothing.
“The force is too strong.”
Grace laughs. “A few years at university, young padawan. Then you can be just like me. Black mask and all.”
“I’m too old to be a student.” I don’t tell her I tried that before. That I left under a cloud, with much more than my tail between my legs.
“You’re a baby. Your whole life ahead of you. You’d make a good social worker, once we teach you how to stop getting so attached.”
“You couldn’t teach me that.”
“Try me.”
We talk for a few more minutes and I hang up, anxiety still low in my belly. I can’t help feeling guilty that I’ve told on Daisy, knowing it will almost certainly lead to Allegra getting taken away from her again. It doesn’t matter how crap her mum is, Allegra will hate me if she finds out. I lower my head until it’s resting in my hands, letting out a deep sigh. My whole body aches, as if I’ve spent the morning doing intense physical exercise. I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands.
“Um, hi.”
I look up. My brow furrows when I see Niall standing in the doorway. Is it that time already? Christ, where has the day gone?
I can’t get used to seeing him again.
“Hi. You’re early.”
The corner of his lip quirks up. “I wanted to make sure I was prepared.” He glances at me, then gestures at his eyes. “You’ve got mascara under...”
Oh God. My eye rubbing must have left me looking like a clown. I swipe at the underside with my fingers. When I pull them away, black ink is smudged all over them. “Thanks.”
His smile only widens. “You’re welcome.”
For a minute I want to wipe the smirk right off his mouth. Mr Bloody Perfect. His hair is immaculate, his face tanned. His jaw is lightly covered in stubble. He looks like a male model.
I look a mess.
This doesn’t fit in with my plans. I was going to be cool, calm and collected. I mumble under my breath and stand up from the desk. The movement makes me remember my manners. “Would you like a tour of the place while we have some time?”
Niall nods. He’s still grinning. His teeth are white and even, the same as mine. Are they real or veneers? My mind is suddenly full of questions. Does he still take drugs? Has he managed to stop?