“She offered me something that I wanted,” he says eventually.
“Which was?” I ask, because I really don’t know.
“My sire,” he says shortly.
“I am your sire,” I say and thump my chest for emphasis. “How dare you substitute me!” The tears have sprung into my eyes, but I will them not to fall.
“I didn’t mean to,” he says. “She came to me in a moment of weakness after you got back from the Fae Kingdoms. I was torn up inside, desperate to help you heal, but I couldn’t touch you. I needed something and she gave it to me. And then she kept coming back as Elizabeth. I told myself it was over a thousand times, but she wouldn’t let me go. I am weak, and I don’t deserve you. I’m so sorry. Please say you forgive me.”
I shake my head. “I can’t, Devon. Maybe if it was a look-alike, I could consider it, but another me? And that one to boot? It’s repulsive,” I say.
“I know,” he says, looking down. “I know,” he says again more forcefully. “I hate what I did to you, but every time I tried to end it, she wormed her way back in. She knew exactly which buttons to push.”
I heave a sigh and turn from him. I need a minute. I wasn’t ready for this confrontation. I am not ready to forgive, and I will never be able to forget the image of him screwing her in the clearing.
“Have you seen her since I found out?” I ask.
“No,” he says quickly.
“Because she didn’t come back or because you realized what a mistake you had made?” I challenge him.
“She came back, about a week after you were taken. I told her to go to Hell and Constantine was there. He will tell you,” he says desperately.
“After I came out of the coma and we were together, were you with her before me?” I have to know if I have been defiled.
He looks away and my heart explodes into a million pieces. I gasp sharply and turn from him, blinking back the tears.
“Yes,” he says quietly. “But I didn’t come to you that way. It was someone else.”
I turn back towards him in disbelief. He thinks that makes it better?
“I know how it sounds,” he says when he sees my face. “I was trying to get rid of the feel of her…”
He stops speaking as my face goes thunderous.
“I showered twice,” he adds meekly and in spite of everything I snicker at him. “I haven’t given up on us, Lizzie. I love you. I need you. I still want to marry you. This whole situation is killing me.”
I look at him quizzically as now he is talking about something else, but what? So much has happened.
“Everything!” he says. “You have four husbands, and not one of them is me. You are destined to have kids, and yet none of them will be mine. It was always supposed to be us, Elizabeth. You and me. You promised me centuries ago.”
“I know,” I say. “I’m sorry how all of this has played out and I know you are hurting. Obviously,” I add quietly. I think I am starting to understand why he did what he did. It doesn’t excuse it, not by a long shot, but I know I haven’t been there for him. So, he found someone who would be. I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath. He hesitantly steps forward and I take him in my arms. He crushes me, whispering into my hair after I tell him I forgive him. If I don’t, this will fester, and it will ruin us.
“Don’t ever,” I start to say, but he interrupts me.
“Never!” he says fiercely. “Never, ever again. I promise.”
It breaks my heart that we have had to go through this. I never thought I would have to have this conversation with him of all people.
I pull away from him and turn towards the shower. I have to get a move on now.
“Are we okay now?” he asks tentatively.
“Yes,” I say. “I don’t like not speaking to you.”
“I hate it!” he says. “Especially after everything that has happened to you.”
“You know, I’m okay,” I say.