I drop her stuff on the floor and pull her down onto the couch. I dive in for a kiss and she doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t miss a beat. She comes in hot yet sweet, full of passion and love for her man. For me. I kiss her deep and wet full of tongue and she relents all control to me, and it hits me. Hazel isn’t freaking out when I touch her because she trusts me to have a care and give her what she needs. Fucking knows that I’ll never hurt her. She isn’t reacting to her trauma the way I expected because she’s not average. My girl has always been one in a million. That spark in her eyes isn’t back, but I’ll find it again. Hazel says she’s ready to let go. To move forward but I know those demons still live inside her. I’ll exercise them out and free her. I’ll bring back my beautiful Honey Bee.
Chapter Twenty-five
Months Later
I’m good until night comes and I close my eyes. Then the darkness comes. The weight of their bodies crushing my soul. The way they smelled of sweat and bad decisions. The nightmare spins around in my head like a record stuck on repeat. Their grunts and insults providing the soundtrack to the worst day of my life. The way the tarnished something so beautiful breaks my heart and kills the memory of my best day. The day Holy asked me to be his wife. The day we said I do. That night was full of magic.
If I could live in that day forever I would. The snow falling. The fire crackling. The softness of the bear skin rug. The beauty of our bodies joined.
That memory becomes distorted. He morphs into Bruno. Hateful and evil. A demon walking on earth and roaming my dreams.
Some moments when I’m alone with nothing but morbid thoughts I think about ending it all to escape the pain. To dull it all and free fall into the void of nothingness but then I wouldn’t have him. Benicio. My Beni. My biker.
His love.
His love is what saves me.
He’s what guides me back to light, reminding me that our love story is beautiful or at least it will be.
When he comes home to me all the bad fades away. When it’s just the two of us and nothing else exists. I know it’s not healthy to be that dependent on him. To put the responsibility of my survival on his shoulders, but he never once makes me question the way he loves me. When the darkness spills from my dreams and into reality all I have to do is latch onto him. Take his hand in mine, touch his ring. His promise that he’ll always be the one to keep me sane and keep me out of the hell that is the past.
I’ve been hiding away and dancing around Benicio and everyone else for weeks redoing the house. Repainting the walls. Buying new furniture. Making it all our own. But I know I can’t keep putting this off. I can’t keep putting him off. I’ve been holding back but so has he.
Tonight though I’m making a real effort. Going with my husband to get my property patch tattoo and to a party at the clubhouse. The secret is out of the bag. Everyone knows we’re married, and they want to celebrate. To welcome me officially to the family.
I’ve made one friend. Allowed one person into my safe bubble where nothing or no one can hurt me.
I’ve been hanging out with Andi. She’s been helping me fix up the place when Beni was needed elsewhere. She’s not an Old Lady. She’s good friends with my cousin and also one of the only women who doesn’t seem to be pregnant. Alexa, Murder’s woman is pregnant with twins. Wylla Mae, Jules, and Pam are all three pregnant too. I swear that shit must be in the water.
Apparently, it’s a big deal that Pam is pregnant because her and Link have always had trouble trying to conceive which is why they adopted their son. Then Link cheated and that was a whole other mess. I think Andi only told me all the gossip so I wouldn’t feel left out or lost in conversation. Everyone is all up in everyone else’s business, and I need to prepare myself for them to all pry into mine.
I confess the idea of them—the old ladies and the club intimidates me. I’ve never had a real true family outside of my man. Lily keeps reaching out, but I don’t know that we’ll ever have a traditional mother daughter relationship. I’m trying to make an effort. It’s just hard.
I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body to see my man leaning against the door frame watching me. “What are you doing?” I quickly grab my robe and slide my arms through the holes and secure it at the waist.
“You know there’s a bet going between the brothers and the Ol’ Ladies.”
“Oh yeah?” I raise a brow.
“They got a pool on how long it takes me to knock you up.”
My stomach flip flops. “What? That’s crazy.”
“That’s what I s
aid.” He gets this soured expression on his face like he swallowed something nasty.
“Okay...is this something you want to talk about?”
“You tell me, Hazel?”
“What are we fighting about?”
“Nothing. That’s the problem.”
“So, you’re mad and arguing with me because we don’t fight?”
“We coexist. Like two strangers passing in a grocery store.”