“Nothing. Though I am curious if you two are so tight and all, why didn’t he know we share a past?”
“Because I don’t like to talk about that shit. It’s done. We’re past all that. Only thing that matters is you’re here now.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“Yeah. Why?”
I shrug and pick at the skin on my chicken even though I have no plans to eat it. I’m fidgeting. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re ashamed of my being a stripper. I mean you did think I was a paid sex worker.”
“Now you’re trying to pick a fight. I’d never be embarrassed of you. Want me to shout it out here and now?” He cocks a brow and grabs a fork off the table using it to tap the side of his bottle of Budweiser. “Everyone, listen up. I’ve put my claim in on Hazel.”
Hoots and hollers erupt drowning out the music and that sensation of being unwanted and unwelcome fades. I grasp to the edges, not wanting to lose the familiar emotion. It’s all I’ve ever known.
I’ve always been on my own. Nowhere to truly call home. No family to call my own outside of what Beni and I had as kids. Kindness has never been a friend of mine. I’ve been pushed around one too many times. Ran when things got remotely real or complicated. There’s always been this voice inside me telling me I had better run. My heart beats rapidly in my chest.
I want to run. I’m scared of what we could be and how it’ll destroy me if this doesn’t work.
Anxiety clings to me like a second skin with all focus in the room shifted to the two of us.
Multiple club members and their Ol’ Ladies approach us to congratulate Holy and welcome me into their fold. The attention is overwhelming. The room spins around me as I try to take it all in and remember their names. Lily’s gaze pierces me as does the ugly scar her makeup fails to hide. I know I don’t owe her anything, but maybe it’s time I stop running and face things head on with Holy at my back.
Time to confront the past and let go of the chains that have been holding me hostage there.
“Hazel, can we talk?”
“Yeah sure.” I nod and squeeze my man’s hand for support.
“Someplace more private?”
“Of course, but I’d prefer Beni comes with me.”
“Um, whatever makes you more comfortable.”
“We can go to my office.”
I turn to Holy. “You have an office?”
“That so hard to believe?”
“Uh yeah.” He’s full of surprises.
He chuckles. “C’mon.” He leads us down a hallway past a portrait of a young woman who favors me in some ways. Though her hair is darker as are her eyes.
“Who is she?”
“That’s your cousin Rochelle. My brother James or as you might know him Murder’s daughter. She’s deceased,” Lily tells me.
“What happened to her?”
“Car accident.”
An overwhelming sadness washes through me. She was beautiful. How loved she must have been to be honored in such a way. My initial impression of my uncle softens. Her loss had to of hurt him deeply. A pang of jealousy momentarily hits me. I don’t know who my father is or was. Did he want me? Did he know about me?
We pass by a door that says President on the outside. The next reads Chaplain. “You were serious,” I murmur as he unlocks the door. I enter and am surprised there’s a small desk and a couch like you’d see in a therapist office. I don’t know what I expected, but this definitely wasn’t it.
“You two sit,” Holy orders Lily and me to the couch while he takes a seat behind the desk. “Pretend I’m not even here.”
Like he doesn’t dominate my every thought.