"I can sense that. " Xhex came forward, her leather-clad body strong and sure. "And I know why, so you don't have to explain. It's good to let things go. You have to if you want to move forward in your life. "
Autumn focused on the dark windows, picturing the river beyond. "I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not a servant. "
"That's what you need to find out - what you like, where you want to go, how you want to fill your nights. That's life - if you're lucky. "
"Instead of possibility, I see only emptiness. "
Especially without -
No, she would not think of him. Tohrment had made it more than clear where their relationship stood.
"There's something you should probably know," her daughter said. "About him. "
"Did I speak his name?"
"You don't have to. Listen, he's - "
"No - no, do not tell me. There is nothing between us. " Dearest Virgin Scribe, that hurt to say. "There never was - so there is nothing I need to know about him - "
"He's closing up his house - the one he and Wellsie stayed in. He spent all last night packing up stuff, giving her things away, getting the furniture ready to move out - he's selling the place. "
"Well. . . good for him. "
"He's going to come see you. "
Autumn burst up from the chair and went to the windows, her heart thumping in her chest. "How do you know. "
"He told me so just now, when I went to make a report to the king. He said he's going to apologize. "
Autumn put her hands up to the cold glass, the pads of her fingers going numb quickly. "For what part, I wonder. The insight that he was right about? Or would it be the honesty with which he spoke when he said he felt nothing for me - that I was merely a vehicle to free his beloved? Both are true, and therefore, short of his tone of voice, there is naught to offer apology for. "
"He hurt you. "
"No greater than I have been before. " She retracted her hands and began rubbing them together for warmth. "He and I have crossed paths twice now in our lives - and I can't say I wish to continue the association. Even though his assessment of my character and my flaws is correct, I need not
have that elucidated again, even gilded by syllables of 'I'm sorry. ' That sort of thing sticks with one well enough the first time. "
There was a length of silence.
"As you know," Xhex said quietly, "John and I have been having problems. Big ones, the kind of shit I couldn't live with even though I loved him. I really thought it was all over - what convinced me otherwise was not what he said, but what he did. "
Tohrment's voice came back: You know damn well the only reason I'm with you is to get Wellsie out of the In Between.
"There is one difference, my daughter. Your mate is in love with you - and at the end of the day, that means everything. Even if Tohrment lets his shellan go, he will never love me. "
The good news is that this whole thing is going to give you a great excuse to torture yourself even longer.
No, she thought. She was done with that.
Time for a new paradigm.
And though Autumn had no idea what it was, she was damn sure going to figure it out.
"Listen, I have to hustle," Xhex said. "But I'm hoping this won't take long - I'll come back as soon as I can. "
Autumn glanced over her shoulder. "Do not rush on my account. I need to get used to being on my own - and I might as well start tonight. "
As Xhex left the cabin, she was careful to lock up behind herself - and wishing she could do more for her mother than just turn a dead bolt: Autumn's emotional reorientation was extreme, the female's interior grid turned upside down on itself.