The blood drained from my face. Of course, I knew the truth. But I never held it against Dahlia, even though I should have. However, no matter if she trapped me or not, the baby she’d been carrying inside her was mine. I was responsible for it. And in turn, felt responsible for her.
“I didn’t plan it.”
“Not you.”
I stared at him and after a few seconds nodded. “Unfortunately, your suspicion is correct.”
“You didn’t have to marry her, Tate.”
“At the time, I did what I thought was right, Roe.”
“Right for who?”
“For me, Dahlia and the baby.”
Roe nodded and whispered, “Yeah.”
That soft yeah might as well had been a direct punch to the chest.
He felt discarded. My decision to do the “right thing” turned out to be wrong. I hurt him badly. I understood that.
I had broken up with Dahlia to be with him. Then I turned around not even two years later and broke up with him to go back with Dahlia.
I gave us both whiplash.
But I never stopped loving him.
Never.
And I wanted to show him that now. To make up for what I did to him. He didn’t deserve any of it.
“You loved Dahlia enough to marry her. Have more children with her. Willingly, Tate. Not because you were tricked the second and third time she got pregnant.”
“You’re right.”
“Of course I am. So, you should be able to understand that makes it even worse for me. After you grieved the loss of your son, after you began to heal, you didn’t come looking for me. You stayed right where you were. Why? Because it was easier. Having a wife, fitting in with your family’s expectations and society’s standards were damn well easier than being gay and having a husband, wasn’t it?” He lifted a hand. “You don’t have to answer that. I already know the answer. Do you know why? Because once I turned eighteen, I decided I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me from being who I am. I was true to myself. You were not. Here’s the kicker… I would’ve been there for you. I would’ve helped you. Would it have been easy? No. Is it easy now? No. But you know what?”
He surged to his feet and I quickly followed.
“At least I’m not lying to myself or anyone else.” His voice broke when he said, “I loved you. You can’t say you didn’t know because I told you those words so many times. But for me, they weren’t only words, I meant them. You said those three words back to me countless times and I believed them, Tate. I fucking believed them. I thought we’d be together forever. I was wrong for believing that and I was wrong for believing in you.” He shook his head and walked away, his long stride quickly taking him away from me and the conversation I wanted to continue.
This conversation wasn’t over. It couldn’t be. Not yet.
“I did, Roe. I still do,” I shouted to his retreating back. “I’m willing to do whatever I need to. Just tell me what that is!”
He suddenly spun on his heels and took two steps back in my direction with his face a mask of rage. With his hands curled into fists and his shoulders rigidly drawn back. “Answer me this, Tate. Would you have searched for me if you hadn’t accidentally moved into my building? Would you have looked for me to fix things between us if the opportunity hadn’t fallen into your lap?”
I wasn’t going to lie to him. Not ever again. So, I gave him the truth now, even if it hurt my chances to fix us in the future. I swallowed to try to relieve the tightness in my throat. “I don’t know. Maybe not. I honestly didn’t think you’d ever want to see me again.”
“And you would’ve been right.” With a stiff nod, he turned and strode back to that side entrance.
I rushed after him. I needed to stop him. I didn’t care if he punched me. At that moment, I didn’t even care if he threw me off the roof or drowned me in the pool.
The only thing I cared about was the man trying to escape.
“I also thought I was protecting you by staying away!”
From over his shoulder, he sneered, “Protecting me? Or yourself?”
“I realize now by staying away I did the exact opposite. That I hurt you even more.”
I made it to him just as he pulled his cell phone out of his back pocket and waved it in front of the card reader next to the door. I reached past him and slammed my hand against the door to prevent him from opening it and disappearing.
I took the easy route too many times in the past. Now I needed to take the challenging one. The one that would hurt.