They were good people, as were all the folks at the logging company. I had been accepted by them, invited to cookouts and bonfires, treated like I was one of their own from day one. I knew if I really needed something that I could call any of the three men who were technically my bosses, and they would do whatever they could to make sure I was okay.
It reminded me of Hank and Lana. Ever since the first day I was with them, a duffel bag slung over my shoulder with every worldly possession I had, they’d accepted, protected, and guided me to opportunities. I could never thank them properly for that. And in lieu of doing so, I had dedicated myself to following their unyielding example of being the nicest, friendliest version of myself I could be.
I still had my issues, and I still tended to be on my own rather than with people, but Hank and Lana taught me that when people come into your life, you treat them like family, and it will pay dividends. I tried to turn that around to Finn and Wendy and Everett and Helen and Deacon, Rebecca, Carter and Lauren too. And all the group that usually met every weekend.
Because of Hank and Lana, I didn’t consider people simply friends, much like I never put “foster” in the name I had for them. To me, they were family.
9
MALIA
It had been a week since I summoned Wendy and the courage to go meet up with Gerry at the diner. It had been an interesting experience, one that I wasn’t likely to forget anytime soon, no matter how hard I tried to. There had been sparks when I spoke to him, and I had to remind myself that it was probably only me that felt them.
As soon as I got home, I threw myself into my newest venture, the channel. The research and statistics I was learning helped me not think about how sexy Gerry was and how when he spoke to me, I could see his eyes trail over my body and then snap back to mine. I tried to ignore those looks, assuming they were just a man being a man, but honestly, it felt good to have him admire me that way.
With the surgery and the loss of my leg, I had felt anything but sexy for a long time. But the way he looked at me, it was like my leg didn’t matter. The attraction seemed like it was there. It certainly was for me.
Shaking my head, I kept researching and decided that I would scrap the tests I had done already and start new. I was already dressed nicely and had makeup on, efforts I had barely gone to since the accident. Plus, Dee was out of the house. If there was a better time to make a first video, I didn’t know when it was.
I made my way to the bathroom and freshened up a bit. I buttoned one higher button on my blouse, realizing I must have subconsciously unbuttoned it when I saw Gerry at the diner. It was kind of embarrassing that I had acted that way without even realizing it. But I tried not to let it get to me. If anything, I should be happy. I was starting to return to some semblance of normalcy, and it had been returned with normalcy too.
The ring light was already set up, and I hooked my phone into the holder and took a deep breath. It was time.
“My name is Malia Killen, and I am an amputee.”
I waited a moment and then hit the stop button.
It was the first time I had ever said those words out loud, and they had an emotional impact. It was important to acknowledge the struggle, to acknowledge that I was me, the person I always had been, and that I was also part of this community now.
But at the same time, it wasn’t supposed to be a defining part of me. It wasn’t my identity. I was more than my disability and more than my struggles.
I reached up and hit the record button again, starting a new one.
“My name is Malia Killen. I am twenty years old. I am also a survivor of a terrible crash a few months ago and a new member of this wonderful community of amputees. This is my journey.”
Reaching up to hit the stop button again, I smiled. That was a lot better. Maybe not perfect, but better.
I reset the camera and hit record again, going over in a rather truncated way how I ended up where I was. I didn’t want to give a bunch of details as to where I was or my personal information that could be used to creep on me. But at the same time, I didn’t want to shy away from who I really was and give the viewers the opportunity to connect with me on that level.