She needed to think before she got in too deep. Before she let herself get carried away by romance and hopes and happily-ever-after. A cold, brisk walk up through the forest was exactly what she needed, even if her heart didn’t want the reality check.
‘It’s OK, I’ll be fine. You get on with your day, no doubt you’ve got lots to do.’ She smiled, though it took some effort.
This time he didn’t protest. Instead, he pulled on his pyjama bottoms and sat on the end of the bed, watching closely as she put on her clothes. The fluffy sheep pyjamas seemed stupid – not cute the way she’d thought they were last night. So unsophisticated and mundane.
Her boots were still by the door. She pulled them on, looking around for her jacket, but Adam already had it in his hands. ‘You sure you don’t want a ride?’
‘I’ll be fine.’ She slipped her arms into the proffered coat. Adam lifted it onto her shoulders, his hands lingering there for a moment. She luxuriated in his touch, in his closeness, in the amazing way he smelled.
/> It was good. Too good.
She reached out for the door, turning the handle to let in the brisk morning air. When she turned back he was still staring at her, his expression unreadable. She wanted to say something to him, maybe ask him how he felt. Tell him she was going to miss him, even though he was only a trek through the forest away.
‘I guess I’ll see you later.’
He nodded. ‘That you will.’
Was he angry at her? She wanted him to plead with her to stay again. To tell her he liked her as much as she liked him. But she was too shy to voice her needs.
When he remained silent, Kitty rolled onto her tiptoes, pressing her lips against his warm, bearded cheek. ‘Goodbye, Adam.’
She hurried down the cabin steps and onto the snowy ground. The crash of wood against wood told her he’d closed the door, and it felt as though something inside her snapped. She turned back to check, and the porch was deserted, with only the decorations and fairy lights to be seen.
So that was that, then, the end of a perfect night. Time to turn and face the bright reality of the day. She squared her shoulders as she approached the snow-topped trees, trying to ignore the ache already forming in her chest.
She’d be OK. She always was.
Life was never supposed to be a fairy tale, she didn’t know why she’d let herself believe it could be.
23
What’s done cannot be undone
– Macbeth
Somehow Kitty managed to make it into her attic bedroom without being spotted. She’d been certain the sound of the stairs creaking, along with her noisy breathing, would have roused the whole house. Yet here she was, pulling off her coat and lying back on her bed, trying to regain her equilibrium after the long walk through the forest.
According to her watch she had around half an hour before Jonas was up. He’d taken to setting an alarm clock, afraid he was going to miss the day’s festivities. Not that Kitty could blame him; she remembered as a child the run-up to Christmas was almost better than the real thing. The anticipation, the bonhomie, the endless hours of playing Go Fish and Beggar my Neighbour. She used to love everything about the final few days, from the last-minute dashes to buy a forgotten present to the aroma of turkey gravy wafting through the house.
Now, though, her mind was too full of Adam to think of much else. That was why it took her so long to notice her mobile flashing on the bedside table. Buried deep inside her memories, the green light barely made an impression until its incessant pulses finally made it through her fugue.
She reached out to grab it, the delicious ache of her muscles reminding her once again of the night before. Swiping the screen she saw she’d somehow managed to miss two calls and a message – all from her sister Juliet.
Frowning, Kitty pressed the message icon. There were a few brief lines, reminding Kitty how busy her sister always seemed to be. The result of being the wife of a prominent businessman, as well as a doting mother and starting up her own business. Out of the four sisters, Juliet was certainly the most outwardly successful. Kitty knew from her sister’s confidences that appearances weren’t always as they seemed.
Was just thinking of you, are you OK? Give me a call to tell me how things are going. Love you, xx
It was still early but Kitty knew her sister would be up. Even during school vacations her niece, Poppy, was awake with the larks, dragging her mum out of bed to keep her company.
‘Hey, sweetie, I had the strangest feeling about you. Are you OK?’ Juliet said, as soon as she picked up. It wasn’t unusual for the sisters to react that way. Cesca had told Lucy and Kitty that Juliet was in labour hours before she called to say she’d given birth to a child. Maybe that’s what came from growing up in such close proximity to each other. They felt everything.
‘I’m fine,’ Kitty said, two lines forming between her brows. ‘What sort of strange feeling?’
‘I don’t know, it’s stupid. I just felt you needed us. Maybe it’s having you so far away at Christmas.’
‘I’m closer to you than I have been for years,’ Kitty pointed out. ‘We’re only a few hundred miles apart for once.’
‘But it’s your first Christmas away from London. I worry about you.’ Juliet let out a soft sigh. ‘Are you sure nothing’s happened?’