“Nothing, boss,” Anouk taunts from her perch on a nearby log. She never calls me boss.
Elke comes out of their wagon, blinking in the early morning light. Good, sensible Elke, Ryah’s friend. She’ll understand what a terrible idea this is. I turn to her imploringly. “Can’t you convince Ryah that this is madness?”
She yawns noisily and accepts a mug of coffee from Gorran. “What’s madness? I only just woke up.”
“This idea Ryah’s got to be part of my knife act. She wants me to throw them at her.”
“At her?” she echoes, frowning.
“Near her. You’ve seen the sort of thing. The lady standing with her back to a board with her arms spread while someone hurls knives into the wood.”
Elke rubs her eyes one-handed and mutters, “I don’t know, Cale. Just give it a chance. Either you’ll terrify her out of the idea, or you’ll have a new act for the show. Telling Ryah no without trying it is just going to wind her up.”
“We did try it. Last night.”
Elke looks up at me, open-mouthed. Panic flashes through me. Fuck. What was I thinking? What was I doing?
She shuts her mouth quickly. “Oh. Well. Ryah seems to have all her fingers and toes. You’re livelier than Jareth on a spring morning. I think the matter’s been settled, don’t you? Enjoy your new partner, Cale.”
With th
at, she toasts me with her coffee mug and heads back into her wagon.
I spend the morning checking all the horses’ hooves for stones and running my hands down their legs, searching for lumps and scratches. Their legs are our livelihood, so I take my time over it. A few of them will have to be reshod soon. There’s a farrier I trust a few towns to the southeast, and I’ll take them in when we stop off to perform.
Each time I release a hoof and straighten, my teeth grind in irritation. What did Elke mean, livelier than Jareth on a spring morning? She can’t think Ryah being part of my act is a good idea. Apart from myself, Elke’s the most conscientious person in the circus, which is why I was happy to put Ryah into her care. Now I can’t shake the feeling that she’s judging me horribly.
I head over to Jareth, who pushes his velvety nose into my hand and whickers. Patting him absently, I recall every moment of last night with razor-sharp clarity. Focusing on Ryah, only on Ryah. Her bright eyes on my face as I aimed and threw, my knives whisper-close to her flesh. Such a beautiful girl, and I’m risking her life and limb for the sake of an act. She’s only seventeen. I must be crazy.
No, I know I’m crazy, because I want to practice with her again as soon as possible.
I could ask one of the more experienced performers to be my partner, but I don’t want any other performer. I want Ryah. Fearless, beautiful Ryah, who looks danger in the face and holds her head high.
The thought drifts across my mind like smoke in the wind. You would have liked her, Mirrie.
I turn and glance around the camp, seeking Ryah out. She’s sitting cross-legged by the fire, Dandelion’s sequined bridle across her lap and a needle and thread in her fingers.
I finish with the horses and head over the grass toward her. She’s got her back to me and her head bent over her work. I hunker down on my heels beside her. “We need to talk.”
She cocks her head at me, her hands stilling. “Do we? I thought you told me what to do and I did it.”
I suppose I deserved that. “I’ve been trying to figure out whether this is right or not, after what you’ve been through.”
“What do you mean?”
I search her face and she seems genuinely perplexed. “I can’t help but wonder if you’re drawn to the knife act because you think it’s all you deserve. A man threatening your life.”
Ryah presses her lips together in exasperation, and I see not a vulnerable, trembling girl, but a woman who’s thought about what she wants. “For heaven’s sake, Cale. I’m not secretly hoping you stab me. I’ve been doing tricks all my life hoping I’ll succeed, not that I’ll fail. Don’t you get that?”
Of course I get it. It’s the same for me. Evidently Ryah’s able to separate work and feelings. Why can’t I?
I drop my face into my hand and scrub at my brow, unable to stop the exasperated grin spreading over my face. I haven’t got any more excuses.
She sits up and the bridle tumbles from her lap. “Cale! Is that a yes? You want to do it? Oh, please say yes.”
“Yes, but—”
Ryah flings her arms around my neck. I close my eyes and hold her to me, that same electricity I felt last night racing through me. “Ryah, listen to me.”