“Thanks, I know. How about you tell me about the wedding planning?”
Amy grinned. “Are you ready for the full saga?”
“Spare no deets,” I said.
As Amy launched into wedding planners, cake toppers, and flower arrangements, I took another look around the kitchen. What looked like a comforting place moments before when my anxiety was most powerful suddenly looked huge and cavernous. It was an empty space, and although it made Amy happy, I knew it held nothing for me. It was maybe what she wanted, what most girls wanted, but it wasn’t something that would fulfill me.
That was what I had been searching for since moving to the city, the thing that would fulfill me. And although Rex’s life was violent and dangerous, he was the first person I thought might be right for me. If we could move beyond the threatening mobsters and the illegal fighting, I thought we had a chance at making something real together.
We talked for a few more hours and finished the bottle of wine together. The more she spoke, the surer I was that I wanted to get back to my apartment and to keep waiting for Rex. It wasn’t that her life was boring or sad; on the contrary, ever since she met Shane, everything she did was comfortable and amazing. But it wasn’t what I wanted. Eventually, after checking her phone, Amy said that Shane was on his way home, and I took that as my cue to head out.
“Are you sure you don’t want a car?” she asked.
“Alright, alright. Fine. Just this once, though.”
She laughed. “This is going to spoil you, trust me. You’ll never want to walk again.”
“Thanks, kiddo. This was a huge help.”
She nodded, but look concerned. “I’m here for you whenever you need it.”
I hugged her. “Thanks. I’m fine now, though. I’ll see you at work.”
She nodded, and then went to call the car. When it pulled up out front, I climbed in the back, while Amy waved form the doorway. The car took off, out into Philly traffic, and I felt a little guilty for riding in such a fancy thing while most people walked. Still, it was much faster, and the city sped by outside the window. I had a brief moment of excitement looking at the people and the buildings, and I wanted to experience everything I could. I was still afraid, but I felt rejuvenated, awash in a resolved glow. I was home sooner than I realized, and I climbed out of the car. Standing outside my building, in my own neighborhood, I felt happy and resolved. I took a deep breath, climbed my stairs, and walked into my apartment.
Nothing looked different. The strange stain of Michael and his goons had lifted from my mind. I still felt anxious and afraid, but I wasn’t letting it paralyze me. Seeing Amy, looking at the way she lived, was exactly what I needed. It made me sure of what I wanted, in living the way I wanted, even if that meant that I put myself in danger. I couldn’t be complacent anymore and drift through my days, working for the time I wasn’t working anymore. I was taking control, and letting myself get swept up into Rex’s world.
I changed into clean clothes then laid out on the couch to watch TV and rest. I needed some mindless entertainment for a few hours to recharge from the incredibly tough day. One show blended into the next, and I felt my eyes grow heavy, exhausted from the wine and the stress.
Loud pounding at my door startled me awake. Fear jolted through my stomach and I felt temporarily paralyzed with terror as I struggled into consciousness. The television box said it was three in the morning, and I had no clue who would be knocking at that time. I assumed it was Michael and his goons, back to intimidate me some more. But that didn’t make sense, because nothing had changed in the single day since they were last in my apartment. Scared but still careful, I snuck across the room on my toes and peered through the peephole at whoever was outside.
INTERLUDE
The street felt darker than normal as I made my way toward Drake’s. It was a stupid idea, a stupid fucking idea, but I had no other choice. I needed to show up and win the fight, otherwise I’d be forfeit and all my work would be gone.
As far as I knew, they still thought I called those Russians. Word on the street still was that Michael wanted to kill my ass for fucking up the deal. My heart was pounding, but I was doing it for more than myself. I got Darcy involved in my fucked up world, and I needed to get her out. I could disappear, run away, skip town. It’d be pretty easy, too. I knew some people in New York. I even had some cash stuffed away for something like that. But I couldn’t make myself run, not with Darcy anywhere near danger. I couldn’t skip out on her. I would stand the fuck up and protect the people I loved no matter what happened.