I cuddled up next to him, sweating despite the cool evening air. I drank in his smell and his beautiful form, his muscles hard underneath his beater.
“That’s why I can’t stay away from you,” I said.
“That’s why I’m not making you stay away,” he replied, grinning.
He looked down at me, his deep green eyes drinking in my body, and then he kissed me. We stayed like that, quiet and enjoying each other’s presence, for what felt like hours. The moon moved slowly across the clear night sky.
Chapter Fourteen
Eventually we dressed, but we stayed like that, cuddled on the huge rock, for a while, both unwilling to end the night. I knew that it might be the last time I saw him, maybe forever. Things were uncertain and confused; our mutual desire for each other was completely overridden by the situation Rex found himself in.
“It’s getting late,” he said, breaking the silence. He brushed some hair away from my face.
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
“I don’t feel like leaving.”
I snuggled closer to his chiseled body, lean and strong. “Neither do I.”
“After this, I can’t see you until it’s all over.”
He let that linger between us, and I didn’t respond. I knew it was the truth, I had been preparing myself for it, but hearing him say the words out loud was still difficult. I knew it was crazy to feel so strongly for him after such a short period of time, but we clicked in a way I hadn’t imagined was possible. He was funny and strong, gruff and commanding, everything I needed in a man. He understood my family life, and accepted me despite it. I knew the things he had been involved with, the violence and the drugs, and I forgave him everything, even if he didn’t need forgiveness. The only thing I wanted in that moment was more time to be normal people together, to get to know every inch and thought, to have the luxury of calm and quiet that most couples get. I didn’t ask for much, but I knew it was our fate to get stuck fighting off those that wanted to do him harm.
“Where do we go from here?” I said, afraid of the answer.
“Nowhere.”
“What do you mean?”
He looked down at me, his eyes sad. “I’m going to lay low, hide out until the heat dies down. If anyone asks, you’re going to pretend like we don’t see each other anymore.”
“Who’s going to ask?”
He sighed. “You’re linked to me now. You’re a part of this. If anyone comes to you, tell them we broke up. Tell them what a piece of shit I am, that I hit you or something. Anything you have to say to get them to leave you alone.”
“Wait, hold on. You’re scaring me. People are going to come talk to me?”
“I don’t know, maybe. They won’t hurt you though, don’t worry. You’re still a civilian, on the outside. But you have to tell them we’re done.”
I took a deep breath as fear ran through me. I imagined Tadd at my door, his pig-like grin and disgusting body odor wafting into my tiny apartment. I imagined him pushing through me, into my space, defiling everything around him. I shuddered.
“It’s going to be okay,” Rex said quietly, probably sensing my discomfort.
“I believe you,” I said, although I wasn’t sure.
He touched my face gently. “I know you didn’t ask for any of this. If I could change things, I would. But what I wouldn’t do is go back and never meet you.”
My breath came ragged and deep. “Do you mean that?”
“Yes. I want to keep you safe. But I don’t regret this, not for a second.”
He kissed me again, and I felt chills run down my spine.
“I should go,” he said, pulling away.
I didn’t want him to go. “Alright, I guess.”
“Don’t follow me. Let me leave alone.”
“When will I see you again?”
“I’ll call you when things die down. I promise.”
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight as we both stood up.
“Promise me again,” I said.
“I’ll call. Wait a few minutes then leave the opposite way.”
I nodded. He kissed me again, flipped his hood up over his head, squeezed my hand, and then stalked off toward the black spiral staircase. I watched him go until he disappeared into the trees and night, leaving me completely alone, standing on the large rock.
I looked out over the river for what felt like the hundredth time as the night ran through my mind. His body, his smell, his smile and his eyes all swirled around me and mingled with the serious danger he was in. I knew that I had to be strong, for his sake at least. He hadn’t asked for me to try finding him at the bar, and I knew it was my own fault that I had gotten myself tangled deeper into all of it. If anything, he had tried warning me away, over and over, and even disappeared for a while. Still, I was afraid. I was more than afraid, I was terrified, but I was also alive. Deeply, intensely alive. The night seemed brighter and louder than it ever had been before. After a few minutes, I gathered myself mentally, and then made my way back home, up the stone stairs, around the Art Museum, and down the empty, late night streets.