“Rex is clean,” I said quietly.
“He fucking lied to you. Rex is probably holed up in some crack house right now, using as much as he can.”
The image of Rex, his perfectly muscled body and beautiful face, sitting on a dirty crack house floor shooting up jumped into my mind, and I had to take a deep drink to get rid of the thought. I couldn’t listen to a guy like Tadd. Then again, I hadn’t heard from Rex in a few days. I had no clue where he was, what he was doing, and it was true that staying clean was really difficult for an addict. I was torn, and Rex’s silence over the past week did nothing to help me.
“He’s coming to meet me here, asshole.”
“Rex isn’t coming tonight. He’s not even in the city, you idiot. Your boyfriend didn’t tell you that?”
That was my chance. Tadd was contradicting himself, but something about it rang true for me. If Rex was off doing some job in another city, then that might explain why he hadn’t messaged me, and why he wasn’t in the bar that night. If I could convince Tadd that Rex was back in town and coming soon, he might be scared enough to back off.
“He came back early. Why do you think I’m here?” I gave him my best “you-dumb-asshole” look.
That gave Tadd pause. He may have been a disgusting animal, but he was still able to form a coherent thought, even if it took him awhile. I had to be confident and play it just right, otherwise Tadd would see through me, and who knows what he would do then.
“I don’t know about that.”
“Why the fuck would you know about it?” I felt my chance, and I was taking it. Confidence swelled inside me, and I inwardly steeled myself.
“I think you’re lying.”
“Why would I sit here alone if Rex weren’t coming? Why would I waste my time with dickheads like you?”
I could see the wheels spinning in Tadd’s little pig brain. He wasn’t a genius, but he was still clearly afraid of Rex. I guessed that even if Rex wasn’t in the city, he’d still have something to say to Tadd if he heard Tadd was messing with me. Plus, he probably wasn’t important enough to know exactly where Rex was at all times. Tadd glanced around the bar, and I knew I had him.
“Fine, calm down, touchy bitch. I was just fucking with you,” he said.
I felt elated, my pulse racing hard. “Great jokes. Leave me the fuck alone.”
“Whatever,” he mumbled as he climbed out of his seat. “Tell Rex I said ‘what’s up.’”
“Yeah, I will.”
Tadd gave me one last look then walked back to his table. He rejoined the others and they all laughed loudly at something he said, probably at my expense. I didn’t care, though; I was terrified and shaking, and one second away from passing out. I waited a minute or two then stood up and went into the bathroom.
What a stupid idea. Rex had tried to warn me, he told me he couldn’t always be around to protect me, and he was right. But then again, I had handled Tadd myself. I had to resort to using Rex’s name to do it, but I still found a way. I splashed water on my face, and I felt the tears building in my throat. I wasn’t used to men like Tadd talking to me that way. I wanted to scream and scratch his eyes out, kick him in the balls, and punch him in his pig nose. Instead, I stared at myself in the mirror, and waited until the anger burned itself out and slowly receded into nothing.
After I had calmed down, I went back out into the main room, and took my seat at the bar. I ignored the looks from the people around me, and slowly finished my drink. I kept myself calm and composed. Once I was done, I paid my tab, and slowly walked out of the bar. Once on the street, I walked fast toward the first corner, made a left, and almost jogged out to Broad Street where I caught the first cab I saw.
Sitting in the back of the car, relatively sure I was safe, the fear and the adrenaline rushed back into me, and I broke down in tears. Fortunately, cabbies in Philadelphia aren’t the talkative types, and I cried quietly in the back seat, the frustration and anger and disgust spilling out of me. I wasn’t the kind of person who cried, but I realized I needed to release all the pent up energy inside of me. Tadd’s words kept running through my mind, over and over. Once a junkie, always a junkie. What if Rex really was using again? I couldn’t be with him if that was the case.