Her hands shook as she picked her coffee cup up again. Tanner had been right last night when he’d accused her of being afraid. Of being willing to lose all the good things that happened to her rather than let people talk about her.
“Are you okay?” Zoe asked. Van blinked, realizing she hadn’t said a word for more than a minute.
No, she wasn’t. All her life she’d thought of herself as brave. Intrepid. Nothing phased her. Yet the shaking in her body was out of control. The way she’d behaved as a kid had been a mask. Something she’d pulled on to hide the fear and the pain. The same emotions that were wracking her body right now.
She was afraid. So afraid that if she was honest people wouldn’t like her. Much easier to pretend she didn’t care.
“Van?” Zoe prompted.
Van looked at Zoe, a reassuring smile on her face. “I’m just thinking about what you said.”
“Can I ask you something?” Zoe’s voice lowered.
Van nodded. “Sure.”
“I heard you and Tanner arguing last night. Are you mad at him about something?”
Van’s eyes shone with tears. “No, I’m not mad at him.” It was true. But she was furious at herself. When her mom had made that announcement last night, she’d withdrawn the way she always did. Taken on the burden of choices two people made before she was born.
“That’s good, because I really like Tanner. He’s cool. And so are his brothers.” Zoe smiled. “And Becca. I love Becca.”
“I’m pretty sure the feeling’s mutual,” Van murmured, her thoughts still filled with him.
There was a knock at the door, and Zoe shot out of the kitchen, wrenching open the front door. Van could see Becca standing there. “I’m almost ready,” Zoe said. “I just need to brush my teeth.”
“Then get to it.” Becca grinned, looking over her shoulder to smile at Van. “I’ll wait for you in the kitchen.” Zoe ran into the bathroom, as Becca walked into the kitchen and smiled at Van. “Hey.”
“Thanks for dropping my car off this morning,” Van said, giving her a hug
“No problem. Logan dropped me off at the drive-in at the asscrack of dawn. That guy really needs to learn how to sleep in.” Becca grimaced. “But I did get a nice walk back to the house.”
You want coffee?” Van asked her, biting down a smile.
“No, I’ll get one at the diner. How are you doing?”
“Better.” Van nodded. “Can I ask you how Tanner is?”
Becca sat in the chair next to Van’s. “I don’t know. He was gone when I got back after dropping your car. But last night he was a mess.” She shifted on her feet. “I feel really uncomfortable talking to you about him. I hate being in the middle.” She blew out a mouthful of air. “We’re still friends, right?”
Van’s chest tightened. Of course Becca shouldn’t get involved. It was unfair to her, and to them as well. “Of course we are. And thank you for being so sweet to Zoe. I know she appreciates it.”
“She’s a good kid. I like her a lot.” Becca smiled. “I hope you get a little bit of peace while we’re gone.”
“I’m ready,” Zoe said, running into the kitchen. “I even brushed my hair. Can we go now?”
“Sure.” Becca stood, giving Van a smile. “We’ll see you later.”
Van nodded. “Thanks.”
She saw the two of them out, closing the front door gently behind them, then turned back to the hallway.
Her mom was standing there, fully dressed, her hair spilling over her shoulders as she stared at Van.
Van walked back into the kitchen and poured them both a fresh mug of coffee.
It looked like it was going to be a day f
or talking.