“Who gives a damn?” he asked her. “Seriously, just ignore them. Their opinion means nothing.”
“That’s easy to say when you’ve never been looked down on.” Her voice was soft. Almost calm, compared to a few minutes ago. “And I’m glad you haven’t. So glad. Because you don’t deserve this. Not me or my mom or the baggage that comes with us.”
He swallowed hard, as the strangest feeling washed over him. Like déjà vu, except he knew he’d never stood in this room with her before.
But he’d stood in another place, and listened to her tell him she didn’t want to be with him anymore. That he needed to go to Duke and live his life without her. That what they had between them meant nothing.
The memory made his mouth go dry.
That’s when he knew it. She didn’t have to open her mouth for him to know what she was going to say. He could read every word on her beautiful face. It was like watching a bullet careening in slow motion toward its mark. He knew it was going to hit, but the waiting was agony.
“Don’t say it,” he said, his voice full of gravel.
Her eyes met his, and he saw nothing there. Just a blankness that made his stomach turn. “Tanner, I—” She swallowed hard. “We both know this was a mistake.”
“No it wasn’t. It isn’t, Van.” He wrapped his arms around her tighter. She felt so slight, almost as if she wasn’t there.
“I can’t do this. Not to you. All these people, they support you, they support the drive-in. If you lose a single customer because of me… I couldn’t stand it.”
“Look at me,” he demanded, tipping her chin until her gaze met his. “I don’t give a shit about this place. I opened it for you. Everything’s about you, Van. All of this. My whole damn life.”
Tears streamed down her face. “Then do me the honor of letting me go. I’m no good, Tanner. It’s in my blood. I’ll never be able to walk down the street without people talking about me. I won’t be able to go to Chairs without hearing murmurs everywhere I turn. And I’m used to it. I almost expect it. But I don’t want that for you. You deserve so much better.”
“So what are you saying?” He could feel his heart hammering against his ribcage. “That you’re throwing us away for my own good?” His voice rose up. “Again?”
“You heard what Nora said. I’m trash, just like my mom.”
He had to lean forward to hear her, her voice was so faint. It killed him to hear her talking like this. But there was something else happening, too. It was like his skin was slowly closing up, as thick as leather to protect him from her.
From the aching pain caused by every word she uttered.
There was a tap at the door. They both turned to look as it slowly opened. Becca was standing there, shifting from foot to foot as a blush stole its way across her cheeks. “Um, Zoe’s asking about your mom. Logan’s taken Kim home, so I thought I’d take Zoe. I’ll stay with her, of course, until you get home.”
“No. I’ll go with her,” Van said tightly, nodding at Becca. “Can you tell her I’ll be down in a minute?”
Becca glanced from Van to Tanner. “Sure. Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine,” Tanner lied. “Thanks for taking care of Zoe.”
“Of course.” She gave them a brief smile, then pulled the door shut, her footsteps fading as they heard her descend the steps.
“I need to go,” Van said, pulling out of Tanner’s arms. She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand, leaving a smear of mascara beneath them, then grabbed her purse.
“I could come with you.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I meant what I said. This –us– isn’t a good idea.”
“So that’s it?” His voice rose up. “We’re over, just like that.”
She pressed her lips together, looking down at the floor. “It’s better this way.” Her voice was devoid of emotion.
A red hot flash of fury rushed through him, curling through his stomach and burning his muscles. She really was doing this. Messing it all up again. He looked away, trying to swallow down the anger, but it rose up regardless.
She went to walk past him, but he refused to budge, his eyes narrowing as he stared down at her.
“Your walking away and saying it’s for my sake? That’s bullshit. It’s not about me. It’s about you. You’re scared of putting yourself out there. So frightened about what people think that you’d rather lose the good things in life than let yourself be put under scrutiny. So if you want to walk away, do it. But just so you know, I’ll never stop loving you.” And the thought of that almost broke him. “You might be scared,” he told her, his voice raised even louder. “But I’m not. And I’m not afraid to tell you that yo
u’re breaking my goddamn heart right now.”