“Raelynn, just—”
Delivering one last blow, she held up her hand. As quickly as she looked on the edge of breaking, she snapped back together, lifting her chin in the most regal, final way. “I already filed for divorce. Yesterday, before dinner.”
This wasn’t a sucker punch knocking the wind from my chest. No, it was a freight train to the balls while Rae reached her bare hand into my chest and ripped out my heart. Just like that, I was back to clutching the dresser for support. I’d barely made it to my knees to fight for her, and she knocked me back down.
And this whole time, I was fighting a losing battle. She hadn’t even given me a fair chance. “What about last night? Why did you still go on the date if you knew? Why did you fuck me?”
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, searching for words. I ached to save her, but I deserved the truth. “Because I selfishly wanted one more night with you.”
“So, you decided. What Rae wants; Rae gets. Right?”
“Austin, please. I just—”
“No.” With nothing but a gaping hole in my chest, frustration and defeat crept in, taking up the free space. “Just like before—just like always. You decide what’s best for you, not even thinking about me.”
“That’s not it,” she pleaded, her eyes welling with tears and spilling over. “I don’t want to keep pushing and wait for it to fall apart, because it will. I know it will. It always does. I want to end it now and at least give our friendship a chance to stay intact before too many emotions rip us apart.”
I ached to go to her and wipe her tears. Rae rarely cried, so when she did, it utterly destroyed me. The problem was that I was already destroyed. I stood there, battle wounded, with nothing left to give.
How much longer could I fight for her?
I studied the floor, unable to watch her suffer from the sadness she created. I searched for something to say but only found the memory of when this all began. I remembered the conversation with King. I remembered how sure I’d been that this was it—that I could convince her to be mine.
And if I couldn’t, I’d walk away.
I didn’t want to walk away.
But I also didn’t want to keep fighting.
I didn’t want to have to work so hard to make her stay and love me—even if I did love her enough for both of us.
Even worse, we weren’t friends. Not anymore. Not after this. Not after knowing how good it felt to call her mine. The realization piled on top, and I hated the weight—I hated her for putting it there. I hated her for giving me hope, just to take it all away—more than all of it. She was a smart woman. She had to know we couldn’t come back from this, but she pushed for it anyway.
It was too much, and I was so fucking tired.
“Austin…”
Swallowing the pain clogging my throat, I forced a blank stare and met her pleading gaze. “I want you gone by the time I get back.”
“What? Austin, no. Please.”
I ignored her, pulling on a shirt and somehow stumbling my way through the door.
“Dammit, Austin, no. This isn’t what I wanted,” she cried.
I turned back, taking her in one last time. Kneeling on my bed, perfectly backlit by the morning sun, still utterly beautiful despite her pain. It gutted me. “You’ve made all the decisions up until now, and I’ve gone along with every one. Now you will go along with mine.”
“Goddammit. I ju—”
Falling back on my old tactics, I became a dick to help preserve the last shred of myself. “Just stop fucking talking and get out.”
Not bothering to look back, I slammed the bedroom door and bolted, reminding myself there wasn’t anything to go back for, despite the way my body ached with the need to turn around.
The way my heart begged me to go to her.
I had to remind it that she didn’t want us, making it hurt all over again.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure it would ever stop.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Raelynn
Somehow, I found myself in the back of a cab. I wasn’t even sure how I managed it. The last thirty minutes swirled around me in a blur of tears, shock, and so much unbelievable pain I didn’t know how I fucking stood. Everything inside me ached. My muscles strained with each movement. My legs resisted every step away from Austin’s apartment. My heart, a murdered mess on his bedroom floor.
The worst part … I was the one who ripped it out and left it there.
My head thudded against the glass, matching the same repetitive throb in my skull. I hated my brain. It was all its fault. While every other part of me rioted, it stood tall along a precipice. My mind ruled with the fragile confidence of sticking to the plan. No marriage. No falling in love. Never. Ever. Meanwhile, everything else raged, shredding the pillar of strength until nothing was left except a toothpick.