But of course she couldn’t. It wasn’t courage she lacked to kill herself; it was peace. She wouldn’t know peace again until she had gotten justice. Having come to that realization, her course of action became clear.
Velta’s word was as good as a guarantee. When Jade emerged from her room, Velta was waiting for her in the kitchen. Seated at the small square table, she was stirring sugar into a cup of instant coffee. After pouring herself a glass of milk, Jade joined her.
“A deputy brought this to the door. He said for you to read it before going back to the courthouse.”
Jade gazed at the long white envelope that lay on the table between them, but said nothing.
“I don’t know how you could have gotten yourself in a fix like this, Jade,” Velta began. “I truly don’t.”
Jade took a sip of her milk.
“But you shouldn’t make a bad situation even worse by bringing formal charges against those boys.” Velta plucked a paper napkin from the plastic dispenser in the center of the table and blotted up the coffee that had sloshed into her saucer.
Jade focused her concentration on the glass of milk in front of her and let her mother’s words flow over her like rushing water over smooth stones. The only way she could survive this was to take herself out of the present and transport her mind to a point in the future when things were different.
“Can you imagine the effects a rape trial would have on us?” Velta rubbed her arms as though chilled by the thought. “You’ll be remembered for that for the rest of your life. People will forget that your daddy won the Medal of Honor. Every time your name is mentioned, it’ll be in connection with this unfortunate incident.”
Her mother’s belittling words shattered Jade’s concentration. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back to rest on her neck. By an act of will, she withheld the bitter retorts that filled her breast and begged to be expressed.
“In many respects, the sheriff was right, Jade. I believe he had your best interests at heart. I truly do. Bringing this out into the open will mean trouble for everybody. Ivan will fire me for sure. He can’t let me continue working for him if our children are on opposite sides of a courtroom battle. If I lose my job, what will we do?”
Velta paused to take a breath and another sip of coffee.
“Only the four of you know what really happ
ened out there. Those boys will tell a completely different story, Jade. It will be their version against yours. Three against one. Who do you think folks will believe? People will say you asked for it by getting into Neal’s car with them in the first place.”
Velta tapped the tabletop with the nail of her index finger. “A rape victim always gets blamed for it. It might not be right, but that’s the way it is. People will say that you’re pretty and that you know it. They’ll say you flaunted yourself at those boys until they lost control.
“People who have bragged on you for being an ideal student and a nice Christian girl will begin looking at you in a whole new light. Some might even start spreading lies about you just to make themselves important sources of gossip. Before too long, neither of us will be able to hold her head up in this town.”
Velta sighed. “After this, you might as well kiss goodbye any hopes of marrying somebody important. I wish you’d thought of that before you went tattling.”
Jade stood, went to the sink, and poured the remainder of her milk down the drain. Then she turned to confront her mother. “I’ve changed my mind, Mama. I’m not going to press charges.”
Velta’s lips fell open, then she came as close as she ever did to smiling. “Oh, Jade, I—”
“Wait, Mama, before you say anything, I want to make sure you know why I’m not going to. I didn’t change my mind because of any advice I received from you or from Sheriff Jolly. And I don’t care if Ivan Patchett fires you this afternoon. In fact, if you haven’t got the guts to stand up to him and quit, I would just as soon he fire you. I loathe the idea of being dependent on him for anything.
“I also don’t give a flip about what a trial might mean to your reputation or mine. I don’t care what anybody thinks. Anyone who would believe such a vicious lie about me automatically sacrifices the value I would place on his opinion.
“The only reason I don’t want a trial is Gary. Our relationship would be opened to public scrutiny. Strangers would discuss it over clotheslines. I couldn’t bear knowing that something as pure and clean as the way we have loved each other was being turned into something ugly and shameful, something to snicker at.
“I love him too much to expose him to something this ugly. Can you imagine how he would feel, knowing that three boys had… had… emptied themselves into me?” Tears rolled down her cheeks. A crack seemed to open up in her chest like a fissure in the earth, and she uttered a moan. “No, Mama, you can’t imagine what that would do to Gary, but I can. He would want to kill them. He might very well attempt it, and jeopardize his future in the process.
“A clever defense lawyer—and Ivan could afford to hire the best—might subpoena Gary to be a character witness against me. He would either have to discuss our intimacy in the open or perjure himself to keep from it. I won’t let that happen.” Resolute, she wiped the tears off her cheeks. “Finally, I realized that a trial would only postpone the inevitable.”
“What do you mean?” Velta asked.
“I will be the one who has to see that they pay for this. Somehow, someday, I’ll get restitution.” Instantly her tears dried. “Why go through the legal motions when they’re virtually guaranteed acquittal? Why put Gary through that misery? He’ll be hurt enough when I break up with him. And in order to protect him, I’ll have to break up with him,” she added dully.
“By the way, Mama, we got our scholarships. The letter came yesterday. I was on my way to tell him the good news when Donna Dee’s car ran out of gas.” The unfairness of it was overwhelming and debilitating. She slumped against the drainboard.
Velta rose from her chair and briskly dusted her hands. “Well, whatever your reasons, I’m glad to hear that you plan to get on with your life. The best thing you could do is forget this ever happened.”
Jade’s head snapped up. Violent energy smoldered in the depths of her blue eyes. Though she stood very still, her body was taut and quivering. When she spoke, her voice was calm and chillingly controlled. “I’ll never forget it.”
* * *