“I said to drop it.”
“What kind of control does he have over you?”
“He doesn’t!”
“He does!” she shouted right back. “And if you don’t break that control, he’s going to destroy you.”
He lunged to his feet, banging the desktop with his fists. “The woman died, okay?”
“What?”
“There, I’ve said it. I’ve confided my problem to you. Are you happy now? Satisfied?”
“You’re talking about the nurse.”
“Yeah, the nurse. The one who died in our lake house three days ago. Sudden cardiac death.” He bowed his head and clasped it between his hands. “I tried to get her back, but I failed. I failed and she died.” His shoulders heaved on a sob.
“Were you drunk?”
“I’d taken one Valium, that’s all.”
“Did you do everything you could?”
He nodded. “I tried for half an hour to resuscitate her. Finally the Secret Service agents pulled me off her and said it was no use, that I was wasting my time.”
Amanda drew a staggering little breath and laid her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, George,” she said gently.
He longed to accept her sympathy. He knew her arms would welcome him in spite of the angry words they’d exchanged. Her breasts would be soft, her voice soothing, her embrace a haven he could crawl into and perhaps hide from his demons for a while.
But he didn’t deserve her consolation or her forgiveness. His rank unworthiness caused him to resent her for extending such unconditional love. So he rebuffed it and shrugged off her hand. “What could you have done?” he asked belligerently. “What miracle would you have worked to make the problem disappear?”
He turned his back on her and lurched to the liquor cabinet. Opening another bottle of scotch seemed to require more dexterity than his fingers were capable of, but he managed to get it open and pour himself another drink.
“Oh, no, wait,” he said, turning back to Amanda. “You can solve any problem, right? You can do everything you set out to do. Achievement is your middle name. No, make that Excel. Excel is your middle name.”
He knew that the scathing words hurt her deeply, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying them. He wanted somebody to feel as rotten as he did, and Amanda was the only one around. But she refused to be provoked. She maintained her composure.
“I couldn’t have solved your problem, George, but I could have sympathized.”
“Lot of good that would have done.”
“You’ve lost patients before. Because you’re a healer, you naturally take it hard when nothing you do can save a patient. But you’ve never been this disconsolate.”
Tilting her head, she peered into his eyes. He was drunk, but not so far gone that he didn’t fear she would read more in them than he wanted her to know. He looked away. Not soon enough.
“I’m getting the expurgated version of
this story, aren’t I?” she said. “What else happened at the lake house?”
“Who says something else happened?”
She gave him a retiring look. “I know you, George. You’re omitting some crucial element of the story.”
“The nurse bought it. That’s it.”
“It concerns Vanessa, doesn’t it?”
“No.”