Pain ripped through her and tore at her heart. How could he be so cruel? He didn’t want to be stuck with her as his wife, but he wanted to change his son’s name. He had to wrestle with his conscience and go against Seth’s request, and hope that she wasn’t going to make things difficult for him.
“Yes,” she strangled out.
“I had hoped that one day your name would be the same as mine.” He turned around. “But I want you to marry me because you love me as much as I love you, and not for the sake of our son.”
Kathleen continued to stare at her hands lying in her lap, disbelieving what she had just heard. Her reflex was to snap her head up and look at him, but she was afraid she was mistaken. Instead, she squeezed her eyes shut and prayed that Erik had said what she thought he had.
“Kathleen,” he said unevenly. Now she did raise her eyes, and saw two eloquent, glistening tears rolling down his lean, rough cheeks. “Don’t run away from me again. You’ve always accused me of being selfish, and God knows I am. But I’m going to make the most selfish request of my life now.” He swallowed hard. “If you must, marry me only because of Theron and in accordance with Seth’s letter, but please marry me. You don’t… it can be… we don’t even have to sleep together, just, please, marry me.”
“Erik!” She bounded off the couch and threw herself into his arms. At first he was too incredulous at her reaction to respond, but her warmth and softness against him soon overcame his stupefaction. His arms wrapped around her as he buried his tear-dampened face in the hollow of her neck.
“Erik, didn’t you know I loved you? Couldn’t you tell how much I loved you?”
“No, no,” he said as he dried his tears with her hair. “Every time I was near you, with you, you ran from me afterward.”
“Because of my feelings for you. They were so much a part of me that I thought they were visible to everyone. Darling, I have loved you since Mountain View. Seth knew when I married him that I was still in love with my baby’s father. I never kept that a secret from him.”
Erik straightened so he could look down into her face. He brushed back her hair. “I have loved you for so long. There was always something in the way, something between us. I can’t believe that you’re here now telling me you love me.”
“I am and I do.”
“Why did I fight loving you? And that’s what I’ve done, Kathleen. I’ve fought it. You evoked emotions in me no one else ever had, and they frightened me, left me stripped bare and vulnerable. I was terrified I’d be left empty again like I was after the accident.”
She shuddered and closed her arms tighter around him. “I’m so sorry for the anguish I caused you then.”
“Darling, if we start itemizing the times we’ve hurt each other, my list will be much longer than yours. That part of our life is over. I love you. Perhaps because of the example I was set, I grew up thinking that loving was a sign of weakness. I know now it’s a sign of strength. But I’m not strong enough yet to contain it all. I need you, Kathleen. Love me.”
“My love,” she sobbed. Together they collapsed onto the couch, holding, touching, cherishing, assuring each other with precious words and gestures.
Each gave what the other needed… and more.
* * *
“I like this house,” Erik said. They were lying in her bed. Eventually, they had quitted the sofa, dressed and shared supper with Theron, who was ecstatic over seeing “Ric.” They had bathed the baby together, marveling over him, and played with him until he grew sleepy and had to be put to bed. Now Kathleen lay cuddled against the hard, vibrant body that she loved.
“Thank you,” she said softly, contemplatively. She teased the underside of his arm with wandering fingers. “But, you know, it’s inconvenient to the city. I mean,” she rushed on, “it would be a great place to come to on weekends, but I’d rather live closer in. Like in that condo you have,” she said
tentatively.
Erik reached down and lifted her chin until he could see her face. He studied it for a while, and then he said gently, “You’re something. Do you know that? I could never ask you to give this up and come to my much more modest house.”
“I know you couldn’t, but I want to live there. This can be a retreat for us, but I want to finish decorating your house and live there with you and Theron.” She looked up at him alluringly. “I can’t wait to get you in that hot tub.”
He grinned responsively, but was serious when he said, “I’m still struggling to get my business off the ground. Every cent I’ve got is invested in it. I won’t be able to keep you in the lifestyle to which you’ve become accustomed.”
“I never cared for that. I wondered why Seth didn’t bequeath me the majority of his estate. Now I know. He knew I’d be uncomfortable with it.”
“He knew I would be.” He kissed her forehead and played his fingers across her lips. “I love you, Kathleen.”
She raised up on her elbows and said, “I love you, Erik. More than any house. More than an inheritance. More than anything. I’ll never run away from you again. You’re my security, my home, my life. Believe me, I’ve learned that running away never solves anything. It only prolongs it. Had I not been orphaned at the age I was, maybe I wouldn’t have been so afraid of life’s consequences. Intelligently, I knew better than to duck the issues, but sometimes emotions override intelligence.”
“Did you ever wonder why we were put through this? Why we couldn’t have met at Mountain View, fallen in love and admitted it, gotten married, started our family without having fought so damn hard for it all?”
Kathleen pondered his question at length before she attempted an answer. “I don’t think either of us was mature enough to accept the responsibility of that kind of relationship when we met. We weren’t capable of making the commitment, because we were each so wrapped up with ourselves. The life, the happiness, we’ll know now has more value, because it was so hard to come by. And we wouldn’t have known Seth. I think we both learned what it really means to love from him.”
Erik was quiet for a full minute before he said, “You’re too young to be that wise.”
“That’s just what a woman who is lying naked with her lover wants to hear—how wise she is.”