“Erik, that attraction is reciprocal. You’ve never taken more than I’ve been willing to give.”
“Haven’t I?” he asked, swinging his legs to the floor and crossing to the window. Kathleen sat up in the middle of the bed, perplexed by this new side of the man she thought she knew well.
“Erik, what is it? What’s bothering you?” she asked gently.
He leaned against the windowsill and stared out over the water. “It bothers me to think that you might not know how I feel about you. It bothers me to think that you might justifiably believe that all I care about is your sexuality. I’ve never told you that there are so many other things… Kathleen—” He gestured helplessly, struggling for words. “I find it difficult to convey tender emotions.”
“That’s not true. You’re affectionate with Theron. I remember how you handled the children at the camp. You were—”
“Yes,” he cut in impatiently. “Yes, but with you, more often than not, I’m abusive. You, more than anyone, provoke my temper, which I admit is dangerously short. And I don’t understand that, because I do care a great deal for you, Kathleen. Some of the things I’ve said to you, done to you, are… there’s no word strong enough. Why do I continually wound you the way I do? Almost as if I’m punishing you.”
She sat silently, pleating the covers of the bed between trembling fingers. She cleared her throat of the knot suddenly grown there. “Why… why do you suppose you can’t express your feelings, Erik?”
He pushed away from the window and went to a chair. Falling into it heavily, he stared at the floor between his widespread knees. “My father was a kind man. He never did anything to intentionally hurt anyone. But he never displayed affection either. Never once do I remember him hugging Bob or me. I know he loved Mother, but I never heard him tell her he did. He scoffed at overt shows of affection. He equated tenderness with weakness. I guess I take after him that way. I don’t want to. I try to be as physically affectionate with Theron as possible. I don’t want him to miss that… that fondling.” Erik looked up at her then. “I want you to know that, as much as I’m capable, I love you. I’m sorry I can’t express it any better than I do. And I need to know that you care at least a little for me,” he added gruffly.
“Erik,” she whispered. “Erik.” Being married to Seth prevented her from verbalizing the love that flooded her whole being, but she could show it to him. Kathleen opened her arms and he came to lie beside her on the bed.
All through the night, she held him.
Chapter Twenty
“Where the hell have you been?” Eliot demanded angrily.
Kathleen had just turned the key in the doorknob of her room at West End. She and Erik had made the flight from Chub Cay. Erik was standing behind her and she could feel the scowl forming on his face when he saw Eliot.
“What are you doing here, Eliot?” she asked, stupefied. She hadn’t quite assimilated the fact that her idyll with Erik had come to an end. By slow degrees, they had withdrawn from each other as they got closer to Grand Bahama Island. First by not touching, then by not speaking, then by not looking, they had ceased to be that one unit they had formed in the small room on Chub Cay and became two individuals again. Each felt an inevitable wedge being driven between them that neither wanted to accept or cope with. Now Eliot was glaring at her accusingly and looking at Erik as if he would like to kill him.
“I hope you’ve had a good time, Kathleen,” Eliot dripped with sarcasm. “I’ve been here since yesterday afternoon waiting for you.”
“I… took some time off. I went to another island. The storm came up. Erik was anxious about me, and when he came—”
“Spare me the titillating details.” Eliot shot a venomous look at Erik.
“What was so important that you had to come here without even calling?” Kathleen asked hurriedly.
“Seth’s in the hospital,” he said succinctly. “He’s in ICU. He didn’t want you to come rushing home on his account, but George called and told me he thought you should come home right away. Your husband’s dying,” he said brutally.
Kathleen clamped her hands over her mouth. All the blood drained from her face as she stared at Eliot over the tops of her hands.
“Eliot, you can stop throwing daggers at us. Kathleen didn’t know,” Erik said with exceptional calm. “Please tell us what’s happened.”
Eliot stared at them sulkily. For the first time, Kathleen noticed how haggard he looked. His clothes were rumpled and his hair was mussed. He hadn’t shaved. She’d never seen Eliot with one thread out of place. “Seth was taken to the hospital three days ago. George told me that when Seth had his accident, his kidneys were irreparably damaged and have been degenerating ever since. He’s apparently fought it, but his system is now poisoning itself. He didn’t want us to call you, Kathleen. George and I decided otherwise.”
She took two steps toward him, her hands extended in a pleading gesture. “Eliot, were you exaggerating? He’s not really…”
Her voice trailed off and she searched his face for traces of characteristic cynicism. There were none. He looked at Erik, then back to her, and she knew that what he had said was true.
“No,” she wailed. “Please, God, no!” She covered her face with her hands and crumpled onto the bed.
“Kathleen.” It was Erik’s voice. “You haven’t got time for that now.”
“He’s right, Kathleen,” Eliot said. “I came down in a chartered jet. We’ve been waiting for you to come back. We need to return to San Francisco immediately.”
“Yes. Okay,” she mumbled, and began roaming sightlessly around the room. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t think.
“Leave all this stuff here. I’ll have it packed up and sent home,” Erik offered. He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. “Don’t worry about anything. I’ll wind things up here and then join you in San Francisco tomorrow morning.”
“No!” She jerked away from him. His face registered mute surprise. “I… I think it would be best if you stayed here and finished what you were doing. Seth would want that, and I don’t think you should be… close to… at the hospital.”