The last two weeks hadn’t been easy. She was still nauseated in the mornings and indigestive in the afternoons, but Dr. Peters had prescribed some tablets for her to take when she became too uncomfortable.
What pained her most was the mental anguish she was going through. She was again tempted to telephone Edna and tell her everything, but Kathleen refrained from doing that. The Harrisons would only worry about her more than they no doubt already were doing. So she would have to work out this untenable situation for herself. She would survive. Women, even single women, had babies all the time.
Seth would have to know immediately. His plans for expansion were in full force, and he was on the telephone every day to manufacturers in New Yo
rk, lining up appointments for Kathleen when she went on the buying trip scheduled for the end of the month. He had to be told, and yet, Kathleen dreaded that more than anything. She hated to let him down professionally, for she was aware of the faith he had placed in her abilities. Even more, she didn’t want to disappoint him as an individual whom he respected. The greatest hurt would be seeing the disillusionment in his eyes.
Now she had told him, but she didn’t read in his face any of the disgust that she had expected. Instead, his eyes seemed to shine with wonder and happiness. He wheeled around the corner of the desk, drew up beside her chair and took her hand in the security of his.
“I suppose congratulations are not in order.” It wasn’t a question and not intended to be flippant, but Kathleen laughed mirthlessly.
“Not exactly.” She gazed into the fathomless depths of his dark eyes and saw no censure there. She could be totally honest with this man and never fear ridicule. “I didn’t know when I took this job. I swear it. I almost had an abortion, but… but…” To her chagrin, tears began blurring her eyes. How much could one human being weep before running completely dry? She must be close, for it seemed she had cried endlessly during the last month.
“I’m certain that, for you, having the child is the right decision. Why didn’t you confide in me before now?”
“I was confused, uncertain what to do.”
“And now you know?”
She shook her head dismally. “No. I’m just trying to live one day at a time and keep my head above water.”
He placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her toward him until her head rested against his chest. She cried quietly, the sobs shaking her body as he stroked her back with a conciliatory hand and murmured solicitous phrases in her ear. Finally, the flow of tears was stemmed and she sat up, accepting the handkerchief that he took from his breast pocket.
“The father?” he questioned her softly.
She considered lying and telling Seth that the father was dead, but she couldn’t. “It was a one-night stand. He was gone the next day.” His finger slipped under her chin and raised her face until she was forced to look at him.
“You loved him, didn’t you?”
She looked away from him, her eyes darting around the room, resting first on one object and then another, anything to keep them busy and away from Seth’s discerning gaze.
“Kathleen?”
Then she did look at him, and his face was full of such tenderness that she collapsed under its compassion. “Yes,” she sobbed, and buried her face once again in the handkerchief. “And I still do. God forgive me, but I do.”
“Does he know about—?”
“No!” she cried. “He never will. I’ll never see him again. He has another life, a…” She couldn’t tell Seth that Erik had a wife. She’d retain that much honor in his eyes. “To me, it’s as though he’s dead.”
She got up and walked to the window. Her arms were wrapped defensively around her waist. She hadn’t heard the motor of his wheelchair approaching her, and jumped when he spoke directly behind her.
“Why are you leaving Kirchoff’s?”
Kathleen whirled around in disbelief that he needed to ask. “Why?” she said incredulously. Hadn’t he heard a thing she had said? “Why? I think the reason is obvious. I’m pregnant, Seth. In a few months, I’ll be as big as a blimp. And a few months after that, I’ll have a newborn baby to take care of.”
“I know the facts of life, Kathleen,” he said without emotion, but he was smiling. “There’s no clause in your contract that says pregnancy would prohibit you from doing your job. That’s illegal, and besides, we’re not as stuffy and unenlightened as that! Professional women are no longer restricted from having children. Are you afraid it would be too much for you?”
She answered slowly, a glimmer of hope beginning to shine on an otherwise bleak horizon. “No, but—”
“What did you intend to do?”
“Well,” she said evasively, “I thought I’d get a lower-profile job. And then, after the baby came, when I was able to go back to work, I’d put the baby in a day—”
“In a day-care center, where he’ll grow up without you, without the proper attention an infant needs?”
“No,” Kathleen said angrily. “I’d make sure that it was a good one.”
“That’s still unacceptable, Kathleen. Come here.” He took her hand and pulled her down toward his lap.