She shakes her head side to side, and I take a big bite of the chocolate croissant, moaning around the flavors. Emery pulls her feet up underneath of her, crosses her arms over her chest, and leans back in the cushions. I finish off the croissant and set the plate on the coffee table and lean back on the couch. "Am I going to bore you to death?"
She says, "No. I like this, actually. I like to stay home."
I clear my throat. "I hate to ask the question, but I know I need to. Have you been dating a lot?"
She barks out a laugh. "Like you don't know. I think that you've shown up at every one I've been on."
I should probably be embarrassed, but I’m not. I’ve been jealous, and I won’t apologize for it. I shrug my shoulders. "I'm not going to apologize for ruining your one the other night. Ray's an asshole."
She picks up the remote for the television and turns it on it. "It wasn't a big deal. I don't think we hit it off anyway."
I lean up and look at her intensely. "Have you gone on a date with someone that you like or want to get to know better?"
She looks at me out the side of her eye and lets out a breath. It's obvious that she doesn't want to admit it, but finally she answers me. "No. I actually hate dating. The girls have been worried about me, though. And it worked out for Becca."
I reach over and lay the back of my hand on her thigh. My palm is up, and my fingers are spread open. "I don't want you to date anyone."
"Nash," she starts, but I don't let her finish.
"No, hear me out. I know I fucked up, and I know that I'm never going to make it completely right, but I need you to give me a chance to explain things."
She clenches her eyes shut, and when she opens them, I can see the fierce determination on her face. "While you're here, Nash, I won't date anyone else, or I won't go on any more dates, but you can't ask more than that."
She's right, and I know I need to take this one step at a time. I flex my fingers, still palm up. "Will you hold my hand?"
There's frustration laced in her voice. "Why?"
She seems so confused, and I can't blame her. I know I've done a number on her, and I need to come clean. But I also know that I can't do that until she's willing to listen. "Because I want to be close to you. I need to feel you. And if all I can get is to hold your hand, then I'll take it."
She uncrosses her arms from her chest and then places her hand over mine. I lace our fingers together and hold on to her tightly. It's so simple, holding hands, but right now it's one step in the right direction. I just can't fuck it up again. I won't let myself.
Chapter 10
Emery
I'm exhausted, and I know he is too. We haven’t done a lot. I only got up to fix him a sandwich and to use the bathroom. The rest of the time, we've sat next to each other on the couch, holding hands. I thought it would be awkward and uncomfortable, but it wasn't. We watched TV and laughed with the lights turned down low. But there's no more putting it off. I know he needs his rest.
"I'm going to go on to bed," I tell him. "I have everything set up upstairs."
He turns off the television with the remote. "Me too. I'm exhausted."
He goes to lock the doors, but I stop him. "I've already double-checked. Everything is locked up and the alarm is set."
He nods approvingly and follows behind me up the stairs. I can feel his gaze burning into my body, and I try not to let it affect me. I take a deep breath as I walk into our bedroom. I could have easily set him up in one of the guest rooms, but I thought he would be more comfortable here. I turn down the bed and then disappear into the bathroom without another word. My gown and robe are hanging on the back of the door, and I get ready for bed. When I come out, he is already lying down, and the only light in the room is the lamp on the nightstand.
I bypass the bed and go to the closet, pulling out a blanket from the top shelf. We have a large chair in the corner of the room, and that's where I plan on sleeping. I thought about just sleeping in another room, but I don't want to be far from him in case he does need me. "What are you doing?" he asks as I lay the cover on the chair.