Or was it love? Was it that simple? She just wanted love, like everyone did. But some people had such a peculiar way of manifesting that need.
‘We don’t even know if they’re watching us,’ said Lars. ‘Maybe they’ve all got their feet up somewhere and they’re watching Orange Is the New Black.’
‘We did not pay for shared accommodation!’ Jessica jabbed her finger up at the camera. ‘I’m not sleeping in here again tonight! We paid for a double room and I want to be back in my room! I’m hungry, I’m tired!’ She lifted up a strand of her hair and smelled it. ‘And I need to wash my hair right now!’
‘Oh my God.’ Ben put both his hands on his temples. He ran about in a comical half-circle. ‘I just remembered what you said!
You’re pregnant! You said last night you were pregnant!’
‘Oh yeah,’ said Jessica, turning to her husband. ‘I forgot.’
chapter fifty-one
Delilah
‘She’s not pregnant.’ Yao’s face was pasty with panic. ‘She is absolutely not pregnant.’
Delilah, Masha and Yao were in Masha’s office, watching the live CCTV footage of their guests in the meditation room.
‘I would never have allowed a pregnant woman to take those substances,’ said Yao. ‘Never.’
‘So why does she keep saying she is?’ asked Masha.
They’d been here for hours. Masha and Yao stood and paced as they watched, but Delilah had finally sat down in Masha’s chair.
Delilah was tired and hungry and kind of over it. Maybe she was kind of over being a wellness consultant. Four years now and the guests were all starting to blend together. They were all so self-absorbed, and sometimes she felt like she was a minor character in a story about everyone except her.
Over the years only a handful of guests had ever asked Delilah a single question about herself. Which, fine, the guests didn’t have to talk to her at all if they didn’t want, but they all assumed she would be so fascinated by them! The things they told her: about their marriages, their sex lives, their bowels! If she had to hear another story about someone’s irritable bowel syndrome, she would slash her wrists.
And then there were the complaints that came thick and fast: the softness of their pillows, the temperature of their rooms, the weather, like she could control the weather.
It was nice when people seemed to truly believe they were ‘transformed’ at the end of a retreat, but Delilah wasn’t quite as evangelical about this whole transformation business as Masha and Yao.
Yes, she enjoyed yoga, her core strength was excellent, she had a six pack and she liked having a six pack, meditation was relaxing, mindfulness was great, and she had no problem introducing drugs into the equation, that made life interesting, and sure, it might give people some insights into their psyches, although, honestly, most of their psyches didn’t seem that, you know, complex. This wasn’t God’s work. This was a health resort.
Delilah was skilled at giving the impression she cared as much as Masha and Yao. She could talk the talk, walk the walk. God, she’d done it with dairy products when she was Masha’s executive PA. Yes, yes, I’m just passionate about yoghurt. Then after Masha’s heart attack she’d left dairy and done it with insurance. All those years working as a PA had been great training to be a wellness consultant: nod and smile and agree and make things happen behind the scenes and don’t ask questions unless absolutely necessary. Masha paid well. Delilah had nearly reached her savings goal. She was going to travel for a year.
‘I did pregnancy tests for all the women,’ said Yao. ‘Even the older women. She’s not pregnant.’
‘So why did she say she was?’ asked Masha again.
‘I don’t know,’ said Yao. He was very upset. Almost in tears.
‘So she can sue us for giving her drugs,’ said Delilah.
‘She doesn’t need money.’ Masha gestured at the screen. ‘Like she said, money is no issue.’
Delilah shrugged and sighed. ‘Maybe she just wants to make a point, like: “What if I was pregnant and you gave me drugs!”’
‘She’s not pregnant,’ said Yao again.
‘She doesn’t know we know that,’ said Delilah. ‘And her husband’s sister is an addict so, you know, they’re really anti-drugs. Pity we didn’t know that.’
Masha swung around. ‘But they should be happy, their therapy went so well! They kissed!’
‘That’s because they were high,’ said Delilah. Sometimes Masha had a bizarre innocence to her. Did she really think the kissing between those two meant something?
‘They kissed for a very long time,’ said Masha to Delilah.