“You’re jealous because collectively we’re richer than the whole family.” Lana was worth more than a few million now, even without the Losers inheritance that was her share. Ken had more, but together they were investing at a rate of return that would make them – wait for it – billionaires within seven years. Assuming they took care of the money and didn’t blow it on bad investments. Lana intended to make that money work for her. “Which you shouldn’t be. You always told Inid and me to marry so rich we made your grandmother resurrect so she could have another heart attack. Well, I did my job. Go after her now.” She pointed to her sister, texting on her phone.
“I did tell you that, and I meant every word. Which is why you almost made me choke to see how flippant you were with an Andrews son. You should’ve at least locked it down with a baby by now. He can still stand you up at the altar. Least you could’ve done was withhold all the kinky sex until he put a ring on you.”
“Or a baby in me, yes, I know.” No babies for Lana so far. Probably never, if conversations with Ken leading up to this wedding were to be believed. He had plenty of brothers to keep the family going should he end up being the childless one. Suited Lana fine, since she never had a maternal bone in her body. (Not even for pets, if it could be believed.) She was pragmatic. Lana had no business carrying and birthing little Lanas for the sole purpose of trapping a rich man in her money-grubbing snare. Besides, she wanted to make her own money. Ken was her partner, not her meal ticket, no matter how Juliet saw her new son-in-law. “You haven’t said a single thing about this white dress, though.”
“Oh, please, Lana. I wasn’t a virgin when I wore my white dress, either.”
“Lana’s like… the least virginal person in the world,” Inid said.
The seamstress cleared her throat. It wasn’t enough to drown out what Juliet said next. “Really, Lana, how will a man stay married to you when you’re out every other weekend looking for new boyfriends?”
“I am not.” Leave it to Juliet to get it all wrong. How did she find out about Ken and Lana’s favorite past time? First time we had a threesome, I knew it was true love. There was another gorgeous woman in the bedroom and he wasn’t obsessed with her? Only Lana? That’s when I knew I was going to marry him! Okay, no. She knew she was going to marry him when their next threesome was with another man and Ken put his stories up for truth.
Lana got all hot and bothered thinking about it. Too bad there wasn’t any point to that until this wedding was over with.
Once her dress was fixed, she had about five minutes to get her ass to the judge’s chambers on time. The man was an old friend of Ken’s family and had allowed the couple to tastefully decorate it to look more like a Christmastime wedding. Lana didn’t care how the actual wedding looked. The biggest photo ops would be the next day when they held a reception at the country club. How many brides got to say they wore their dress more than once?
Juliet’s worries were for naught. Ken’s nuclear family were all in attendance. Three strapping young men stood around their brother for photos while Lana’s new mother-in-law (whom she still wasn’t sure she got along with) looked on with pride. The moment Ken looked over and saw his bride, his businesslike smile disappeared in favor of one filled with the kind of romantic love that used to make Lana want to throw up.
She still wanted to throw up. The nerves had finally punched her in the stomach.
***
“Of course,” someone muttered behind them. “Take your time.”
“Don’t take pictures of that!” Ken’s mother scolded one of her younger sons. “Really, what kind of family are they making us out to be?”
They can criticize me all they want, but it’s my damned wedding and I’ll kiss my bride for however long I want. Everyone swooned and clapped when Ken dipped Lana over his leg and kissed her the moment they signed the marriage license. So maybe some tongue slipped in there. And, uh, maybe Lana slapped his ass even though both of their families watched on. Ken was too happy to give a shit about his family judging him.