“I did. For what it’s worth, I really did believe them.”
“Fuck off. I don’t know what to believe about you anymore.”
“That’s fair. I’ll… I’ll go now. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.”
He turned, taking three long steps toward the front of her hotel room. Lana braced herself against the bed, wanting to fall face first… wanting to suffocate herself in the upturned sheets. Even now, her heart furiously beat, begging her to somehow fix this before she regretted her unfortunate decisions for the rest of her life.
What if she could have it? What if she could have both the sexual connection and an emotional layer that made it even better? What if something like romantic love was true? Lana was in her late 20s, but she had never been in love before. She didn’t think it was possible anymore. If she hadn’t experienced that emotion that made her choke on her every drop of spit in her throat and ache between her legs every time the man was in the room… then what hope was there that she ever would?
That man who did this to her was walking away now. While her mind counseled her that this was the best thing to let transpire, her heart screamed at her to fix this right now, you fucking stupid harpy.
“Wait!”
What had she done?
Ken looked over his shoulder at her. She hadn’t seen it before, but she saw it now: desperation. Cold, hot, desperation.
They didn’t say another word. Neither of them. No words except mumbled, whispered, and hushed Yeses, Nos, and Pleases. Even then, those words melted around Lana’s brain, seizing, holding it hostage in an attempt to get it to shut up. Her heart was in control now. Her stupid, foolish heart that begged her to not let Ken walk away before he made love to her one last time.
Raw and dirty. That’s how Lana often liked her sex, but she had never embraced the type of raw and dirty she did tonight. Perhaps it was her heart that was the rawest, her skin the dirtiest when covered in dried tears and the grease of her unwashed hair. Ken’s cologne was muted. Tobacco colored his clothes and breath. Yet that was also the scent of the late spring New York City night. How long had he walked around outside, trying to clear his head of her? He couldn’t do it. He came here in the end. He can’t be without me, can he?
She wanted every piece of him. I know I can’t have them now. She wanted to feel his whole body fuck her the hell up. It’s the last time it will ever mean something. She wanted to taste that desperation perspiring from within. It’s so bitter, yet hopeful. She wanted to feel him in one of the most self-destructive ways possible. If this was her last time making love to Ken Andrews, she wanted it as natural as possible. She was going to commit every second to memory, burning it there until she died – and it was the last memory to flash before her eyes.
“You sure?” He slammed his hand down on her thigh the moment the condom was knocked from his hand.
Lana answered with a greedy kiss to his wet and hungry lips. “Make me come so hard I never forget you,” she said.
He felt so good inside of her.
They were a riot of shaking limbs and wrinkled clothes that had refused to fully come off. The bedcovers were knocked to the ground. The back of Lana’s head was married to the space between her pillows, Ken’s body surging against her so primally that she had no choice but to surge back up against him. It was probably some sort of sign that her body easily welcomed him in, because regardless of how tight she was when he first entered, she was nothing but a slut for him now.
That’s how she chose to see this final encounter with Ken. I’m a slut, and sluts fuck men they shouldn’t, right? She shouldn’t be doing this, but she couldn’t help herself. His touch, although hard and sometimes rough as he held her down and fucked her with his bare cock, was almost worshipful. Maybe Ken couldn’t be the one any longer, but he wouldn’t leave her without making Lana feel that he somewhat made up for his indiscretions. “See?” he seemed to say with nothing more than the way he commanded his body, “I make you feel this good. You’re a fucking goddess in my eyes. Take what little offerings I have and turn them into something amazing.” His suffocating kisses almost destroyed her.