When I got back to my truck a few minutes later, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I figured it was probably Carter or Deacon checking up on me. Wendy would have let the office know I was taking the rest of the day off, and one of them likely was checking up on me. Rather than deal with it, I just put it on the holder on the dash and started the engine.
It was hot, unreasonably warm even. I turned on the AC and opened the windows before putting the car in reverse and heading down to the edge of the work site. Another notification pinged on my phone, I sighed, reaching up to see what they were since I was at a stop sign, waiting to get on the road.
One notification was an email, something about a sale on baseball memorabilia. I got an email from them every day because I had bought one hat a year before. It was annoying, but I kept them coming because I never knew when I might want to order something again.
The other one made me stop dead in my tracks. It was a text message from Helen. The words in the message were as vague as they could be, while still being crystal clear in their meaning to me. I knew exactly what she was trying not to say.
We need to talk.
I knew what that meant. That meant she was finally gone. She had worked up the courage to tell me that she was done being my girlfriend, done being in Ashford. That she missed being in Chicago and wanted to go back to that life. Even though it meant that whatever we had was going to end.
Maybe she never really thought what we had was something special in the first place. I was just a guy she could be with until she left.
Or maybe I just wasn’t worth the effort.
That was always a possibility. It was something that ran through my mind all the time, ever since I was a kid. My parents certainly didn’t seem to think I was worth the effort, so why would she? Maybe she saw what they saw when I was little. That I wasn’t worth trying so hard.
That I was easy to leave.
I drove home without responding, waiting until I had gone inside and gotten a very excited Lily on a leash first. She was beside herself that I was home early, even earlier than I usually came back to walk her during lunch. She would remain excited when I didn’t leave afterward too, I figured. That was good. At least someone was happy I was around.
As I walked her, I texted back.
I’m off the rest of the day. If you want to talk, you can come over.
It was a power play but one I felt good about. If she was going to break up with me, I wanted it to be on my home turf. That way I could politely ask her to leave, go into my room, and shut the door for a while. Or once she was gone, I could open up the liquor cabinet and put away a bottle or two of whisky while staring at the wall. Either way, I wouldn’t have to wear real pants. And I wouldn’t have to drive while thinking about the pain.
I’ll be over in an hour, she texted back.
I’ll be here, I responded.
Lily wanted to play, and as much as I wanted to, I didn’t have the energy to play back very long. Instead, I played for a bit and then let her into the fenced-in portion of the backyard. That way she could chase butterflies and run in circles to her heart’s content before coming back in through her doggy door. She had to squeeze to get through it, and I was going to have to figure out something else for her soon as she grew, but it worked for now.
Once she was secure, I went inside, made a pot of coffee, and took a shot of whisky. Then I sat at the kitchen table and waited.
Helen pulled up an hour later exactly and I waited in the living room for her. The door was standing open with the screen door shut but she knocked anyway. I figured she would.
“Come in,” I said.
She came in, looking cute in a way that seemed like it was just another twist of the knife in my heart. It was simple, jeans and a T-shirt, but it was how I had seen her many times. It was a look that fit her so well.
“I have something to show you before we say anything,” she said, sitting on the couch across from me in the easy chair. She held out a manila folder with some papers inside, and I noticed a medical bracelet on her wrist. The kind you have to cut off because twisting them only seems to make them stronger.