“Yeah, it wasn’t my best side, that’s for sure. You gotta know how sorry I am, baby doll. I’d do anythin’ right now for you to open that door to say that face to face. I also get that you’re not goin’ to do that, but it doesn’t mean I’m not gonna put forth the effort every fuckin’ day until you believe it.” Sailor cries, honest to God, deep from her soul, lets it all out, killin’ me inside, and the worst part is, I did this. I was the one who created this riff between us. We had it so damn good, and now here we are. I guess what Mom said is true: when I fuck up, I really fuck up.
“It’s going to take time. Even if we can’t be together, I’d really love it if we could co-parent our little peanut together,” she says between sobs.
“We’re not co-parenting.” There’s a hitch in her voice, and I make sure I have her attention when I say, “We’re going to be a family. You’re my Ol’ Lady, and I’m your man, we’ll get married one day, and we’ll raise our peanut in the same house.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jackson. God, please don’t hurt me even more by saying words that you may not mean.” I slam my head back, welcoming the pain, wishing I could do it over and over again. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go to the club while Lavender is with Sailor, see if a prospect wants to fight, and maybe then I’ll feel as bad as I’ve made my woman feel.
“I mean it. We get through this, I’ll prove it to you.”
“I hope so, truly,” I hear her whisper through the door before I hear the sounds of her footsteps leaving me. If this is half of what Sailor felt yesterday when it was me walking away instead of her, I can’t even fuckin’ imagine how bad that hurt her. I know one thing for sure: I’m going to fight for my woman and our child until my last dying breath.
CHAPTER 19
SAILOR
“Holy shit, girl. You really got rid of a lot.” Lavender is over, helping me package up everything to be shipped out. I went online and did my due diligence about finding a reputable store that either bought it from me outright or that I sold.
“It’s just stuff. That doesn’t mean I didn’t keep a few of my favorites, because I did, especially the ones that could double as a diaper bag.” I shrug my shoulders. There are boxes everywhere.
“Smart move.” Another thing that has changed this week is my job. I didn’t think it would be possible to change jobs while being pregnant, but the club pulled its weight for me again. Not only was Jackson not having me work at a bar with smoke littering the air, apparently neither were Ruger or Shovel. So, now it’s me and a desk job. It’s also a huge cut in pay, which sucks massive donkey balls.
“Sometimes I have them—” My phone pinging interrupts what we’re doing. I glance at it and see there’s a text from Jackson. He’s relentless, but I’m not ready to let him back in. It’s only been a week, really, and what would it say about all womankind if I just let him waltz back into my life like he didn’t rip me up inside and out.
“Jackson?” Lavender asks.
“Yeah, he’s texting to let me know he’ll be outside my door the remainder of the night.” The only time Jackson isn’t around is during the day while I’m working, which just so happens to be where he’s working. Yep, you guessed it. You’re looking at the new receptionist at the Diamondback Motorcycle Shop.
“That man, he is awfully dedicated. Makes one wonder why he walked out when he did. I’m still going to kick him in the balls, so if you want more kids with him, you better tell me now before you can’t.” God, I love Lavender and her fierce protectiveness. Clearly, she gets that from her father, but I’m not the one to tell her that, ever.
“Leave his balls alone, Zena Warrior Princess.” Jackson has done everything—brought me breakfast in the form of my favorite lemon lime soda, saltines, and a banana, lunch from the deli. If he can’t bring it, he’ll have a prospect do his bidding. Seriously, anything and everything, even attempting to drive me to and from work. I stopped that from happening the moment he offered. I was willing to see where this went, but being too close to Jackson, it was a recipe for disaster. His spicy scent, the way he’ll slide the tips of his fingers against my skin, anything and everything to do with him would have me in a backwards slide. I needed to make sure this thing between us is rock solid.