I want to step toward her, but she walks to her bedroom, closing the door.
I take the cue to go, leaving her with what is left of my heart, knowing that walking away from Lemon Rough is both the hardest and the only thing I can do.
13
LEMON
Alone in my room, I let the tears fall freely, confused at what just happened, but realizing I should have seen it coming.
Anchor told me in several different ways that the idea of commitment, of family, of settling down overwhelmed him.
And then not only did my brothers crash my birthday yesterday, I brought him home to meet my father the day after we made love.
It's a lot. All of it is. And I wish that things would've gone differently. Because with him gone, alone in my bedroom, I realize that I love him.
I love a man who can't offer me what I need or want: a forever.
Even with this realization, I can't focus on myself right now. I need to focus on Grandma Rosie. I shower and dress quickly. My phone buzzes with texts from my family, letting me know that the visiting hours are open. Mom calls and I pick up on the first ring. "Hey, Mom," I say, my voice cracking.
She mistakes the emotion for thinking about Grandma, which is what I’m trying to focus on instead of Anchor.
"Oh, Lemon," she says, "I wish we were there. I think we're going to fly home."
"Have you talked to Dad today?" I ask. "Maybe don't rush home from your trip just yet. Dad sounded really optimistic yesterday."
"I know," Mom says, "but it's hard to focus on anything good right now when I know you guys are going through so much."
"How's Fig handling it all?"
I ask, knowing she and Grandma Rosie have always had a tight bond. All of us kids have with our grandma. She's been a part of our lives since the day we took our first breaths. Life without her feels unbearable. She's the matriarch of the Rough family.
“She’s right here, and she is as good as she can be. We just wish we could be there to dole out hugs.” Mom sighs. “Will you call me after you see Grandma? I've tried to talk to your father, but it's hard to get a clear idea of how things really are going. He is always the optimist. I know I can count on you to tell me the truth."
"Of course," I say, "I would never let you down."
"Thank you, sweetheart," Mom says. "And, well, that was quite an unexpected birthday, wasn't it?”
My voice is tight, taught, as I try to find words. "It was a lot, Mom," I confess. "I met this guy at the lake, our new neighbor, Anchor, and I thought it was something real, something special, but…"
"Honey, what happened?” Mom asks.
I sit down on my bed, talking to her, brushing the tears from my eyes. "Mom, I gave him my heart."
"Oh baby," Mom says. "Where is he now?"
"He just left. He's had a really hard time with family stuff. His parents died when he was young, and he's been on his own ever since. I think meeting the family last night and everything going on with Grandma, I think it was just too much for him. He couldn't handle it. He doesn't think he can be the man I need."
"But you think he's the man for you?" Mom asks. "Oh, Lemon. Now I really wish I were there." I hear Fig in the background. "Your sister wants to say hello."
"Have I been on speakerphone this whole time?” I ask.
"Yes,” Mom says. "Sorry, Lemon. I didn't realize it was going to get so personal."
"Lem," Fig says.
"Hey," I say, "sorry your spring break trip to LA isn't going as planned."
"Don't think about me, Lemon. You always think about everybody else."
I swallow, knowing she is right.
"So right now, I need you to go see Grandma and give Mom and me an update. Let us know if we need to fly home right away or not. Okay?"
"I know. That's what Mom just asked me to do," I say.
"But, Lem, if this guy melted your heart, then you can't let him go. You know how Grandma Rosie would always tell us to go for a walk and clear our heads? Maybe walk to the hospital, clear your head.”
I start to cry. “I’m scared, Fig. Of losing him.”
“He might be scared of meeting Dad and all our brothers, but what guy wouldn't be? And if he doesn't understand what home means, what family means, well, Lem, maybe you are the perfect girl for him because you know what it means deep down in your bones. Maybe you're what this man's been missing his whole life."
Tears fall down my face, refusing to stop. "You got all that from what I just said, because I hardly told you anything about Anchor at all."