“I can’t go down that road. I have a reputation as a business owner in this town. I’m not going to let Jimmy drag it through the mud unless I can’t avoid it. And sadly, I fear it’s headed in that direction. But I want to do it honestly.”
“You’re a better woman than I am. Kylie, don’t splash your sister!”
I lean my head back and soak up the remaining sunlight of the day.
“So … how long are we going to beat around the bush? Do you think it’s time we discuss your trip to Sedona?”
“There’s nothing to tell. We golfed. Walked Cersei on the trails. Lounged by the pool. Ate good food. Chatted.”
“Had sex?”
“No.”
“Sophie.”
“We didn’t.” I stare at the pool.
“Sophie.”
“Jules,” I mimic her like a child.
“Sophie.”
“We just talked.”
“Body language?”
I can’t. She’s too good. I snort. “It’s … not …”
“You need help, Sophie. Your behavior is self-destructive. Have you thought about seeing a therapist?”
A therapist? God … I can’t imagine what a therapist would do with the details of my life. The real ones and the “fake” ones.
“Okay, here’s the thing …” I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the lounge chair, giving her my full attention.
“Oh good. I’ve been waiting for the thing.”
“He’s not real—”
“Oh, Sophie …” She facepalms her forehead.
“Just hear me out, Jules. I had no plans of pursuing Shep. None. But he called me, and I enjoyed talking with him. And taking the dogs to the park. Topgolf. Lunch. More talking on the phone. I don’t tell him about my life and all its problems. He doesn’t tell me about his.”
That’s a half lie.
“I can’t expedite the removal of Jimmy from my house. And I can’t change my mind about this pregnancy, not that I want to. I don’t. This pregnancy is the one thing in my life that I feel most certain about. And because of this baby, I don’t want to feel stressed all the time. It’s not good for the baby. When I’m with Shep, it’s like all the stress in my life disappears. It’s easy with him. No stress. No expectations. Shep World is a fantasy. And sometimes, I need that fantasy. He’s a good book. He’s a break from life to meditate. A vacation. A long jog to clear my head. He’s the best guy at the worst time, but we’re making it work.”
Jules lifts her sunglasses onto her head. “What does that mean, making it work?”
“I mean, it’s mutually beneficial. I’ve been completely upfront with him. We’re living in the moment with no expectations.”
“You’ve been upfront with him? So he knows about Jimmy? Knows about the baby?”
“No. That’s the whole point. That’s what makes Shep World such an amazing place. He doesn’t see Sophie the doormat who has the worst luck with men. He doesn’t see Sophie the woman who is pregnant with someone else’s baby. Because here’s something very important to remember … Jimmy? The baby? They don’t define me. They are not who I am. They are products of my choices, good and bad. Shep sees me. And even if this ends tomorrow, it’s been really amazing to have had him see me and not my life’s decisions.”
Jules laughs, not with me, at me. “This Shep World sounds better than Disney.”
“It is.” I smirk.
“Being upfront with someone implies honesty. But you’re not being honest with him.”
“I’m being completely honest with him. What you mean is transparency. Am I being transparent with him? No. But I’m being honest with him because I’m upfront about not being transparent with him. He knows I’m not telling him about my “real” life. I’ve been vague about the reasons for it. He knows it’s nonnegotiable. He can take me as is for as long as it mutually works for us, or we end it now. And so far, he’s been good with our unconventional, potentially temporary, friendship. Maybe it’s what he needs in his own life. Not everyone’s needs are the same. Not everyone shares the same definition of honesty, transparency, and morality.”
Jules sighs, inching her head side to side. “You should have been a politician.”
“Because I’m a gifted orator?”
“Because you’re full of shit.”
Lying back in my chair, I blow out a long breath. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Fine, let’s do this.”
“Do what?” I ask.
“Tell me all about Shep World. I know you’re dying to share.”
I’m so dying to share.
Friday morning I meet my sister and her husband at the doctor’s office for the first ultrasound.
“How are you feeling, Sophie?” Dr. Munson asks when she enters the room.
“Good.” I smile at Chloe and Mason standing in the corner of the room, holding hands and wearing huge grins. It affirms that I’m doing something completely selfless. If I have a legacy, I’m good with it being this—giving my sister and her husband a baby.