Shea stormed after him. “Now wait one fucking minute. That is not true!”
“Stop fucking lying to me!” Christian shouted as he spun around to glare at Shea. “You’re not gay! You never will be! So just stop…stop pretending that you are enjoying this relationship!”
“Pretending?” Shea choked. “Christian! You know me better than that! How could you think for one second that I’ve been pretending? You mean everything to me and there has not been one moment of being with you that I have pretended anything!”
Christian shook his head. “I’m not doing this with you anymore; it’s just not possible for you to love me the way that I love you.”
Christian tried to push past Shea to leave, but Shea grabbed him.
“You are not leaving. We’re not done talking about this,” Shea growled as Christian struggled to get away.
“Just because you are able to fuck me, doesn’t make you gay. Plenty of straight men can fuck another dude just to get off,” Christian hissed.
“Christian, this isn’t about that, this is about us being together…stop fighting me!”
“Let me go, then! My heart is already shattering and I don’t want to stay here with you!” Christian choked and tore himself out of Shea’s grasp.
He almost made it to the door before Shea caught up with him. He slammed into him, pinning him face first against the door. Both of them were panting and Christian was still trying to get away, but Shea held fast.
“Chris, listen to me, you need to calm down,” Shea said calmly.
Christian pressed his face against the door. “Why are you doing this to me? Just let me go,” he said, his voice pained.
Shea’s heart ached for him, but he wasn’t going to let him run and possibly ruin what they have together.
“Baby, I am never letting you go. I can’t. I may not know exactly how to label myself, and I really don’t give a fuck. But I do know one thing, and that is that I am in love with you, Christian. And we have something special together that I refuse to let you walk away from,” Shea said softly against Christian’s ear.
“You’re just saying that so I won’t break up with you,” Christian rasped.
“No, dammit! I’m saying it because I fucking mean it.”
“I don’t believe you,” Christian whispered.
Shea turned him around, grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and slammed his back up against the door. Christian’s brown eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. The hurt and betrayal in them tore at Shea’s heart.
“Get off of me, Shea, I mean it,” Christian said, his voice hollow. He pushed Shea hard, forcing him to back away and opened the door. “We’re done,” he snapped before walking out and slamming the door behind him.
Shea blinked at the door. What the fuck just happened? A sharp ache took root in his chest and he swore he could literally feel his heart breaking. Christian just broke up with him. Holy fucking shit! It was over, their relationship and friendship was over. That wasn’t possible! Shea was in love with him! He lunged for the door and tore it open but Christian was already gone. No! This couldn’t be happening!
Shea stared up at the ceiling as he lay on his sheet-less mattress in his bedroom later that night. He had tried to call Christian multiple times but his phone was off. He didn’t want to go over there just yet, Christian needed some space and time to calm down. He had worked himself up over nothing - at least, Shea thought it was nothing - but, obviously, Christian thought it was a huge thing. There was no way in hell Shea was going to let Christian go without a fight. Right?
Was he really positive that this relationship was what he wanted? Could he really go on without being with a woman ever again? He was completely satisfied with Christian, he hadn’t even once thought about a woman while he was with Christian. Maybe he should go be with one just to make sure. No, no, that was a bad idea. Christian would never forgive him if he went out and slept with a chick right after they broke up, that was just a dumb idea. Plus, he wasn’t sure if he could do a woman now, not after being with Christian.
What he did know was that he needed Christian in his life. But could Christian be right? Was he in this relationship for the wrong reasons? Yes, he didn’t want to lose Christian as a friend, but they had been having fun being together over the last couple of months. He could picture himself with Christian long term and he was honestly in love with him. Shea knew Christian well enough to know that he had left because he always thought that the relationship was doomed, and he was going to end it before it went on any longer. Well, guess fucking what? This was not the end, and Shea would be damned if he let Christian throw away what they had together because he was scared.