The words held a sense of poignancy and she nodded.
CHAPTER TEN
AS THEY WALKED across the now dusky streets Liam appreciated Ava’s silence, appreciated too her closeness as they made their way through the residential area, along pavements decked with potted plants and shrubs. The idea of discussing Jess was both unwelcome and strange, because for years he hadn’t spoken about her to anyone, his ill-fated marriage and its attendant grief and regrets for his own consideration only.
Now that had to change—Ava needed some information—the key would be to try and keep it factual. They entered the small trullo that housed another souvenir shop and followed the signs to the back where a makeshift bar was in place.
‘What would you like?’ he asked.
‘A glass of white wine, please.’
He ordered the same for himself and then gestured for Ava to climb the narrow spiral staircase before him. Once on the rooftop he watched Ava as she took in the setting, knew he had brought her here because she’d love it, that speaking of her relationship must have been painful. Anger swiped him at the thought of the man who had used her, used her money and position under the guise of love, left her when she would have needed him most. Even as guilt jibed, pointed out that he too was using her, even if he was at least being honest about it.
‘This is stunning.’
The terrace was decorated with twinkling fairy lights that illuminated the early evening dusk. Potted evergreens and trellises arched and they could see the rooftops of the trulli spread below them. They were the only customers as they sat down at the small wooden table near the comforting warmth of an outdoor heater to counter the February chill.
For a moment they sat in contemplation of the view, sipped their wine and somehow Liam found a certain peace and tranquillity. ‘OK,’ he said finally. ‘Let’s talk. Maybe if I just tell you the facts.’
‘Whatever works best.’
Liam stared out over the panorama. ‘I met Jess when I was twenty-one. I’d been in the army for three years. My dad fell ill and I got leave to come and look after him.’ He could still remember his shock when he had seen how much his dad had suddenly deteriorated. ‘The alcohol abuse had caught up with him. The last weeks were pretty bad. His brain cells were fried, his memory was shot. He got so confused, was living in a myriad of memories. My mum wanted to help, but by then she’d been gone a few years, had already remarried. And my dad refused to even let her cross the threshold. So it was down to me. That’s when I met Jess. Or, rather, reconnected with her. We’d gone to the same school. I bumped into her at the doctor’s, we got talking and one thing led to another. Turned out her granddad had been an alcoholic so she understood what my dad was going through.’
‘And what you were going through.’ Ava’s voice was quiet but full of understanding.
‘Yes.’ And he’d mistaken that connection for a deeper one. He’d been lonely and sad and confused and Jess had been like a lifeline. But even then he’d never thought about marriage—hadn’t really thought at all. He’d just been happy to have someone there.
‘You fell in love.’
‘Yes.’ What else could he say? For a time he’d believed it to be true. A mistake that he would carry with him all his life. But as he looked at Ava’s beautiful face, illuminated by the last rays of the setting sun, just for one insane moment he wondered if he would ever utter words of love again. Shook his head. Surely this story of his past should cement the knowledge that he would never be so foolish again. Couldn’t, wouldn’t take that risk. ‘We had a very quiet wedding because it was so close to the funeral and then Jess came and lived with me nearer my barracks.’ And Liam had determined to stand by his vows, to do as he had expected his mother to do. ‘Jess fell ill whilst I was on a campaign abroad. I came back as soon as I could but there wasn’t much time left.’
For a moment he was back there in the hospital, with the distinctive smell of disinfectant, the beep of monitors echoing in his ears. Jess, gaunt and pale, her blue eyes so large in the pinch of her face. Her smile so sweet.
‘I’m glad you’re here.’
‘Of course I’m here, Jess.’
She’d tried to rise and he’d carefully moved her, propped her up against the pillows.
‘There are some things I want to say, before...before it’s too late.’
‘Anything.’
‘I just want to say I’m sorry. When we met I rushed you into everything. I took advantage of you.’
He’d smiled through his tears. ‘And I enjoyed every minute.’
Her hand, so skeletally thin, had squeezed his.
‘But that wasn’t enough. You were grieving and confused, but I was so happy that you wanted to marry me, happy to be wanted, that I decided that didn’t matter. That we could make it work, that you would grow to love me, because I’d be the perfect wife. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.’
‘I’m the one who is sorry. All these years I haven’t been there for you and...’
‘It’s OK, Liam. I love you. I’ve always loved you and you have been an honourable man—you stuck by me and that has honestly meant the world to me. So please, Liam, don’t beat yourself up—you did good.’
She’d dropped back on the pillow, her face lined with weariness.
‘I’m glad I said all that. Thank you for coming back.’