He needed her to fit into his life, and while she liked his friends, she couldn’t up and move to Dallas and…she wasn’t sure what she would do there.
“You don’t know what I need, yet, but I’m going to tell you. I’m going to be honest with you this time. Do you know why Byrne couldn’t drive a wedge between us?” He cupped her breasts, rolling her nipples and tweaking them in a way that made her writhe against him.
“Because you saw through him?”
He nipped at the back of her neck. “Because I’m willing to accept my own flaws now. Because somewhere along the way I decided to deal with myself honestly. When he needled me about how wealthy and successful you are, I recognized what I felt as insecurity, and I trust you enough to admit I felt it.”
A hard squeeze to her nipples and her whole body tightened. Was this his version of couples therapy? “You have nothing to be insecure about.”
“Society tells me differently. Society looks at you and wonders what you see in me beyond some trophy.”
Frustration filled her. “Fuck society. I’m not willing to let society vote on my relationship. They can go to hell. I am who I am and you are who you are, and they don’t get to change us.”
She wasn’t going to mold herself into what other people thought she should be. She hadn’t been willing to when she was a kid. She wasn’t about to start now. People would say what they would say, and she couldn’t change that, but she would be damned if she let it force her into a box.
His arms wound around her, pulling her back against him. “You have always been the fiercest woman I know, and I did not deserve you then. I was scared. You would have done exactly what you said you would have. You would have deferred for a year and given me time to get my shit together, and then you would have gone to Yale.”
“I would have gone even if you’d told me you couldn’t go with me. I would have called and written and loved you from afar, but Deke, I wasn’t going to give up my education for you. I couldn’t.” She had to be honest with him. She’d never understood his argument. It hadn’t made sense. Never once in her head had she thought she would stay in Calhoun and raise babies if he wouldn’t go with her.
“So I took the choice away,” he whispered. “Instead of trusting our relationship one way or another, I broke it. I pulled the bandage off when there wasn’t even a wound there. Baby, I was a kid and I was insecure, and I heard everyone around me talking about how the Hill girl was going to end up saddled with me if she wasn’t careful. I shouldn’t have listened.”
“I loved you, Deke. I wanted it to work, but I love me, too. I could have handled long distance.”
“We wouldn’t have survived. I should have gone with you. I should have been brave. Or maybe it needed to be this way because you were strong and I had to grow up.”
“Deke, you don’t have to say these things.”
She could feel the hard line of his erection pressed to her backside. Despite all the emotions flowing through her, her body went soft and willing.
“I do. I have to let you know that it’s not going to be the same this time,” he whispered against her ear. “This time I’m not letting my pride get in the way. I’m not letting anything keep me from you. You’re the only one who can tell me you’re better off without me.”
She wouldn’t be. She was fairly certain she would be bereft without him, but there was still an ocean between them. He still had his career and she had hers. He was entrenched in Dallas and the closest she might be able to get was Austin. “Our problems are the same.”
“But I’m not. I’m better, Maddie. I’m the man for you now. I’m flawed, but I can work on it.” He released her and she felt him moving. “I’m going to work on it right now.” He stood in front of her, his gorgeous face staring down at hers. “I’ve figured out that I can give you what you need. You need someone who puts you first. Before everyone and everything else. Before your work. Before all your ambitions. You are my universe, Maddie, and I’m the man who’s going to take care of you. Behind every woman who’s changing the world there should be a man who makes sure she’s got coffee in the morning and who’s waiting with a glass of wine and a killer fucking orgasm when she comes home. I’m that man for you, baby. Hold on tight.”