“I won’t say anything about Adam.” She needed to let him know that just because she couldn’t take that risk with him again didn’t mean she didn’t care. “I need you to know that I have your back out there.”
“And I have yours.” He held out a hand. “So we’re friends?”
She shook it, trying not to think about how big and callused it was, how she’d loved the feel of those hands on her body. “Friends.”
She couldn’t help but feel like she’d slipped right into his trap, and if she wasn’t careful, she wouldn’t even want out of it.
“Come on. We’re going to let Jake and Adam and Serena show you the ropes a bit. I want you to sit on my lap while we watch them. It’s good practice to get comfortable with one another again.”
His hand held hers, surrounding her with his warmth. Didn’t she want to know? It wasn’t like anything could come of their going to bed together. He’d made it plain that he wasn’t about to follow a woman around, and he had a job here in Dallas. She lived in California. What was the real danger in sinking into this role he wanted her to play?
“Okay, I suppose I should do that. I think once Nolan knows you’re in town, he’ll want us to spend an evening with him. We really should look like we’re physically comfortable with each other.”
He stopped and loomed over her. “I agree with that assessment. We need to be comfortable showing a lot of affection to each other. Unless you told your boss I’m a cold, formal top.”
Well, if she’d known she would have to produce him, she would have. She sighed. “I didn’t. I pretty much said you were perfect and that you keep me close and like to touch me a lot.” She didn’t want to examine why she’d built a dream Dom in her head. She definitely didn’t want to think about why he’d taken far more than Deke’s name. “I described you as possessive but not overly so, just enough to let me know you care. I said you were quite affectionate and that while you absolutely had hard and fast rules, you were indulgent with me. I think I was trying to keep him from going overboard when it comes to the woman he wants to top.”
Yeah, that sounded good.
“Or you’re falling back on what you know.” The expression on Deke’s face let her know she wasn’t fooling him for a second. “You pretty much described our prior relationship to a T. I was affectionate and indulgent, and I was absolutely possessive, though I think I hid my caveman side from you back then. I won’t now. Now I understand there’s a place for my inner caveman. I can control him so he gets let off the leash every now and then. I’ve found it helps to keep that particular beast fed.”
“Well, you were possessive to a point, weren’t you?” It was so good to remind herself of what had happened, of how he’d wrecked her heart when he was just a boy. How much more damage could the man do? “You let me go when you thought it was time. I learned that lesson from you. Let’s get to work.”
If anything happened between them it would be temporary, and as long as she remembered that fact, she would be fine. She would complete her mission and perhaps if she did indulge in sex with Deke, she could get on with her life.
He’d always been there. He’d always been the shining star she compared every man to. Maybe if she let herself spend this time with him, she would see that memory wasn’t reality.
She could move on. If she realized Deke wasn’t the perfect man she’d built him up to be, she might be able to consider a good man like Dan Gray. She would see that the spark between them wasn’t as important as relatability and reliability.
“Maddie, we should talk about that.” For the first time Deke didn’t look like he was completely in control.
She shook her head. “Nope. That’s going to be my one rule. No talking about the past. I mean, it’s inevitable that we will refer to things that happened when we were kids, but we’re not rehashing the end of our relationship. It’s done, and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“Yes, there is. We can talk,” Deke insisted.
She pulled away from him. Luckily she’d learned his language. “I’m afraid I need to make that a hard limit. I think you’ll find you can talk me into trying a lot of things I shy away from initially. I’m incredibly curious, but not about this. It’s ancient history.”
“It doesn’t feel like ancient history. It still feels like it’s between us.”
“Hard limit, Deke.” She wasn’t going to listen to him rationalize leaving her behind. Or rather forcing her to leave him. He’d had the comfort of home and family, and she’d been shipped out into the big bad world without even being able to call him. He’d made that happen, and all anyone would talk about is how lucky she was to have a boy willing to sacrifice for her.