“All right, to what do I really owe this pleasure, Maddie?” Deke asked in that deep voice of his. He’d had it even in high school. “And it is a pleasure. It’s good to see you. It’s been a long time.”
So long. How had she let all these years go by and not called? She’d even stopped asking about him. Angie had been the one who brought him up when she’d been in LA and they’d had lunch. Maddie had sunk into her career and become everything she’d hoped to be. The girl she’d been, the one who’d loved the boy he’d been, had been forgotten. “Yeah. It’s been a long time.”
He shook his head. “How have you… I’m sorry. This isn’t a friendly visit. How can I help?”
Had she thought even for a second that he would turn her away? He wasn’t that man. He was a good man who took care of the people around him, and she felt so alone. She didn’t know a single man like Deke Murphy, and she’d stayed away from him. She’d let years go by because it was easier than admitting she’d made a mistake when she’d shut him out.
They’d been friends. Good friends. They wouldn’t be again. They couldn’t be more than old friends who met up every now and then when they were in their hometown at the same time. Their chance was gone and it wouldn’t come again, but he was still a bastion of everything that had once been good and safe in her life.
The world went watery, and she couldn’t hold it back another second. “I need you to be my Dom.”
His jaw actually dropped.
And that was the moment she burst into tears.
* * * *
Deke stood there for a moment, completely unsure of what the hell to do.
I need you to be my Dom.
What did she mean by that? Because she couldn’t possibly mean what he thought she meant. Maddie Hill couldn’t know what that word meant. And then there were all the tears.
She’d burst into tears, and not the pretty kind. Maddie almost never cried. At least she hadn’t when they were kids. Her tears built and built and built until they came out like a chaotic waterfall of pure emotion.
“I’m sorry,” she said, obviously trying to get herself under control. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do this. It’s been such a long day.”
“It’s okay.” He said the words even though he knew she wasn’t. This was a Maddie he knew well.
Anxiety. She’d had it as a kid, but they hadn’t known what to call it. She’d been the smartest kid in town, pushed by everyone to greater and greater heights, and it had taken a toll on her. Even he’d pushed her. She would work and work, and then she would do this. She would hold it all in until it erupted, and she wouldn’t acknowledge that she’d felt the attack coming but kept going. Sometimes he would see her rub her chest like it was far too tight for her to breathe.
And even as a dumbass kid, he’d known there was a price to be paid to be as talented and driven as Maddie was.
“Hey, come here.” He hadn’t known what to do then, had viewed those outbursts as one of Maddie’s weaknesses. He would step away when she had these episodes and joke with his friends that she was probably on her period. He’d been an asshole. He’d been wrong, but he’d learned a lot since then. “Let’s breathe together. You’re having an anxiety attack. I know them well. So let’s breathe together and get through it.”
She shook her head. “I can stop.”
Still so stubborn. She still needed to be Super Girl, or maybe he should call her Wonder Woman because she was definitely not a girl anymore. “I know you can, but I can help. I’ve had many a panic attack. Come on, Maddie. I’ve been in therapy for almost twenty years. Let me use some of it. Breathe with me.”
Her hands squeezed his. “Okay.”
“Close your eyes and concentrate on your breath.” He’d been through this with the therapists he’d seen since he’d been rescued. At first it had been a rotating door through the Army care he’d been given, and then the solid presence of Kai Ferguson in his life. Kai was the therapist who worked with McKay-Taggart, and more importantly with Sanctum. He now had a clinic here in Dallas that specialized in trauma and PTSD. “Let it fill your chest and nothing else matters. Everything else can fall away because you can handle this.”
Her breath hitched. “You don’t even know what it is.”
He lowered his forehead to hers. Physical touch had comforted Maddie back in high school. If she stepped away from him, he would back off, but he wanted to help her any way he could. “I don’t need to. I know you can handle it. I’ll help you.”