"I love the kids, I do. I just, us? ...It's not working, Jane. The nanny's nice but it's short-term; it's not forever. You and I both know a girl like her is going to be gone the moment she gets wind of our fucked-up dynamic."
"What, you mean the fact that the father is absent and the mom is trying to overcompensate?"
"Hardly," Todd says with a laugh. "Overcompensate, how? By buying takeout and overpriced clothing for the kids online? That's not making up for being a shitty mom."
"I'd be a better mom if I had a real partner. This is ridiculous,” Jane says. "I'm so over being married to you."
"Fine, then let's split because I'm over it too."
My mouth drops open as I listen to them. I've heard of nannies working for parents who don't get along, but this is next level. They're on the edge of divorce. Maybe they're already there.
I finish my wine and slip back inside, not wanting to listen anymore. It's not my business. And I never wanted to hear them in the first place.
I have enough to think about with Major saying, I want you to have my baby.
Did he mean it? I press my lips together, considering if I want to pour myself another glass of wine.
But I don't want wine and that isn't going to calm my nerves anyway, because my nerves, they're not the problem.
It's my heart that's all twisted up. Twisted because I was this close to giving it to Major. My heart, my mind, my soul, my body. My womb.
God, I'm so stupid. I'm so flipping stupid.
I take the cup of sugar and I pour the granules into an empty bowl. And then with the measuring cup in my hand and my slippers on my feet, I leave my apartment and walk down the steps, crossing the street, back to Mike Major's house.
This time I knock on the door with authority, with a need.
He pulls it open questioningly. "What are you doing? You’re back so soon."
There's a grin on his face. A smile. He's wearing nothing but those gray sweatpants that make his dick look fucking huge.
And fuck me, please. I want this man. I need this man.
"You want more sugar?" he asks, eyeing the empty measuring cup.
I shake my head. "No, I don't want more sugar. I'm an idiot,” I say. “The people I'm working for, they're miserable, unhappy and needing change. But you know what? I want change too. I don't want to be a nanny. I want to be a mom, a wife. It's all I've wanted my entire life. That's why I went to school for early childhood education. Just so you know, I grew up without parents who were a good example to me. And I don't know about your childhood, Mike, but mine was pretty shitty. So I thought, if I'm going to be a mom, I want to be a better mom than mine ever was. She was an alcoholic who never cared about me.”
"I'm sorry," Major says, "I didn't know. Fuck, Molly."
"No," I say, "It's okay. I've gone to therapy, I've processed my past, and I know what I want.”
"And what is that?" Major asks.
“I want to be a wife and a mother. I want to have a family of my own with a partner who loves me. And that's why I got that degree—because I don't want to fuck up my kids. I want to be a mom who understands what their needs are and is able to meet them.”
Mike runs a hand through his hair. "Molly, that's amazing. You are incredible. Do you realize that?"
I laugh. “I don't know if I'm incredible. I'm just doing my best, Major.”
"Well, me too," he says. "My parents split when I was young. I was always shuffled from one house to the next with my siblings. And I want more than that for myself too." Major reaches for my hand, squeezing it. “I know I spoke too soon by telling you what I really wanted, but it's the truth. I do want a baby with you. You, exactly you. You're funny and so fucking sexy and good with kids and you make me feel safe and I just met you. If I can feel all that in a day or two, imagine how we'd feel after a year, two years, a decade together. Fuck, Molly, I'm doing it again, aren't I?” he asks. “Saying way too much, telling you the whole damn truth.”
"No," I say, stepping closer to him, into his doorway, into his house, closing the door behind us. “You're not saying too much. You're a real fucking man who knows what he wants, and the most incredible part is you want me, me, Molly. I've been alone forever, and I've been dreaming, wishing, hoping for a man like you. And now here you are. You told me exactly what you want before you even took my virginity. That is hot. That is sexy. So no,” I say, looking at the measuring cup in my hand, “I don't want a cup of sugar.”