For a long time, I had wanted a small shed and greenhouse. There was something about being able to just go into a building designed specifically for the purpose of growing my own vegetables that appealed to me, and I planned and replanned the idea over and over. It wouldn’t be the first time building one, but it was my chance to do it exactly how I wanted it for myself. Everett wasn’t as interested, though he was more than willing to help and saw the benefits. It just wasn’t his thing.
Once I had the area mapped out, I went about preparing the ground for laying wood down and then set the beginning of the structure out. The rest of it might need the extra hands of Everett around, but the manual labor was at least letting me work out the frustration while also getting me moving again. I had been spending too much of my time at work behind the desk and getting out and doing things with my hands felt good.
It felt accomplished.
Nothing was as good as the feeling of Rebecca’s arms wrapped around me, and nothing would be. The smell of her skin, fresh out of a shower, the taste of her lips with the faintest hint of red wine on them, the light and gentle touch of her fingers as they traced over my chest, they were the best. I would do anything to have them as much as possible.
But if I couldn’t have them, the next best thing was working my muscles until they were sore, and my body was aching with exhaustion and pouring sweat. And that was what I did, letting my body go on autopilot as my brain filled itself with images of her and our nights together. And the nights that were still to come.
22
REBECCA
I managed to shake out of the funk I was in during the gathering Friday night by the time I was heading into the tattoo shop Saturday. It was the first full day of my apprenticeship when I would spend the entire shift focused only on the work and not any receptionist work, and I was optimistic about what was ahead. Maybe I wasn’t quite as excited as I might have been if I hadn’t had the discomfort of the run-in with Josh the night before, but I still kissed Deacon goodbye, looking forward to what was a huge step toward the future I’d been dreaming about.
It bothered me that Josh had gotten to me so much. We didn’t even know each other, and it wasn’t like we’d gotten along so spectacularly well that he would realistically think we were actively dating. I didn’t lead him on or tell him that I looked forward to seeing him again. He had my phone number from when he first asked me out, but I didn’t ask him to call me or say I’d speak to him soon.
And I didn’t kiss him good night or ask him to come inside.
In my mind, there was a very clear ending to the evening we’d spent together and no open end to the possibility of us seeing each other again. This was a one-and-done situation. Yet he hadn’t caught onto that and somehow felt like he had some sort of entitlement to my attention. And, more disturbingly, my personal space.
But it shouldn’t have gotten to me nearly as much as it did. I should have just been able to push past it and put him and the whole encounter out of my mind. He was inconsequential. He didn’t have any influence on my life, and I highly doubted he was going to come back into the diner. Even if he did, getting him out wouldn’t be all that difficult. But it was something I heard him say as he was leaving with his group of friends that stabbed into my mind and stayed with me.
“I can’t wait for that guy to drop her on her ass. She’ll want to come crawling back to me, but she’ll be shit out of luck. I don’t know what she thinks that guy could actually want with someone like her.”
I didn’t tell anyone what I heard. I wished I hadn’t heard it. It was nasty and petty and didn’t have any real purpose but to make Josh feel better about himself and save some face in front of his friends. But it still stuck in my mind and kept me from really being able to relax and enjoy the fire. Or the night with Deacon.
The next morning, it had faded enough that I could acknowledge that it was a great day for me, something I’d been looking forward to and hoping to reach for a long time. There were still questions in the back of my mind, something pricking there in my thoughts that kept me from the sheer elation I should have been feeling.