He sat in Noah’s office with the door closed. Noah’s secretary Helen was gone for the day. He spilled his guts, letting everything out. He hadn’t wanted to leave Faith’s house with things so unsettled but he could see she was at the end of her rope. He needed to think too. How had things gotten so complicated?
“Damn, Adam.” Noah whistled, sitting back in his chair and shaking his head with shock. “No wonder you have been so moody lately. I noticed on Thanksgiving you had a lot on your mind. I wanted to interrogate you, but Alana wouldn’t let me.”
Adam nodded, rubbing his forehead with his hand. Noah silently handed him a bottle of headache tablets. He took two and swallowed them.
“I’m overwhelmed right now and could use a beer. How did my life get so fucked up?”
Noah patted his back with a sympathetic look. “I know the feeling. It took Alana almost dying for me to get my head out of my ass. I loved her all along, Adam, and my doubts seemed insignificant in the light of that.”
“So what are you going to do? You can’t just turn your back on your own child, Bro. Dad would turn over in his grave and Josie would want you to move on,” Noah continued.
Adam sighed. The thought of being a father like this, out of the blue, terrified him. He never thought of having children. He planned on being a great uncle. “I know all that in my head, but in my heart I feel mixed up and unsure. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, Noah. I could lose Faith just like I lost Josie. I don’t think I can handle that a second time. It scares me. I want to try with Faith, but at the same time I am scared shitless. She is the only woman who has ever made me want to try. Then every doubt pops into my head and I step back. I know I am hurting her, but it’s like I just can’t help myself.”
“Does that mean you have feelings for Faith?” Noah asked seriously. “You say you want nothing permanent with any woman. Faith is giving you a clear pass. She wants nothing from you. You can walk away from her and the baby if that is what you really want.”
Adam couldn’t deny he cared about Faith a lot. He had been obsessed with Faith for almost a year now. He was still obsessed with her, and knowing she was carrying his flesh and blood only added to it. He nodded but couldn’t say it out loud. Not yet.
“Remember what you told me when I was going through my troubles with Alana?” Noah reminded him, sounding a little sad. “I could have lost her because I was scared. You encouraged me to do whatever it took to get her back and to hang on to love. Now it’s your turn, Adam. If you have feelings for her, don’t let her go because of fear. Do you want another man raising your child and loving her?”
A pain went through his chest. The thought of someone else making love to Faith and holding his son or daughter gutted him. He had to work out his doubts and fears so he could go to her and tell her he was sure in what he felt. He couldn’t go to her then change his mind again. It wasn’t fair. She deserved better than that and so did his child. He had to be sure.
“No I don’t,” he admitted. “But I need to think about all this. Right now my emotions are all over the place.”
“Marriage is great, Adam.” Noah’s smile widened into a dazzling grin. “I wasted a lot of time being stupid. Don’t do that too. There is no other feeling than being loved and loving. I no longer go home to an empty bed or home. Every day is a new learning experience. I regret the time I wasted. Don’t follow in my footsteps.”
Adam envied Noah’s happy attitude. He could have that, too, if he could just let go of his fears. He had a lot to think about.
“Thanks for listening, Noah.”
“No problem, Adam. Congratulations, by the way. I am going to be an uncle.” Noah grinned.
Adam smiled. Feeling his heart swell with the knowledge. He was going to have a tiny little son or daughter with his blood running through their veins. Hopefully a little girl with golden red hair that fell in waves. “Yeah. It’s scary but also exciting.”
Chapter 8
Faith locked the door to her shop. A cold December wind blew around her and made her shiver with the cold. She was so exhausted. It was awful how much she slept yet still felt tired. She could probably sleep fifteen hours and still feel like it wasn’t enough. What a day for her car’s battery to die. She now had to brave the cold wind and walk a mile to her house. Holly was at school then on to work.
She put her hands in her pockets and started walking. Hopefully she would make it home before dark. She was too tired to cook, but she knew she had to eat. She was losing weight instead of gaining.
She had barely made it to the end of the block when she heard the rumble of a motorcycle. Hopefully it wasn’t Adam. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since their talk last week. It hurt, but it was better this way. So what if she stupidly hoped he would leave then come back confessing his love for her? She had to get her head out of the clouds. Life was not a fairytale.
Hadn’t her crappy childhood taught her that?
She heard her name being called and turned her head. She saw Adam on his big black bike.
She stopped trying not to notice how sexy he looked in his black leather jacket and faded jeans. She looked like shit. She was pale and tired. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail and she had no makeup on. Plus her mood was foul today. She was taking cranky to a new level.
“Hey.” She felt tongue-tied and awkward. They had been intimate as two people could get, but now she just wanted to be away from him. He was just a reminder that he couldn’t love her.
He looked her over and she waited for him to say something bad about her appearance, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. “I just ran into Phillip and he told me your car was at the shop.”
“Yeah, my battery died,” she answered. Phillip was the mechanic in town. “It will be ready by tomorrow.”
“Were you going to walk home alone?”
The way he said it was like she was going to climb a ladder to the rooftop and jump off.
“Yes. This is a safe town.” She arched her eyebrow as if waiting for him to say something. “After all, your brother and his deputies assure us of that fact in all the town meetings.” She folded her arms across her chest and tapped her toes.