Then he pulled his cock from between my lips and slowly pulled me to my feet.
As he picked me up and pressed me into the shower wall, I realized I had everything I’d ever wanted. I felt loved. Cherished. Hopeful for my future. Gray’s lips touched mine as he slid into my body, causing me to groan into his lips. My legs trembled. My arms laid around his neck. I fell into his embrace, allowing him full control as his body rolled into mine. I felt one with him. Two bodies sharing one soul and one distinct embrace. Water battered down on his back, splashing against me as his lips kissed everything they could touch.
He sank to his knees, taking me with him before he laid me down onto the floor of the shower. Water poured from around him, protecting me from the onslaught as he gazed into my eyes. I wrapped my legs around him and locked them, drawing him deeper as my hands raked along his muscles. I rolled with him. Met him thrust for thrust. Until nothing but the sound of my moans and his grunts could be heard over the falling water. My heart soared. My soul felt full. Every single piece of my life that had ever tumbled off to the side slowly came back together, like a video being thrown into reverse.
“I love you. I love you. I love you,” I said, breathlessly.
I chanted it repeatedly as my body began to lock up.
“Oh Michelle,” he said with a grunt. “I love you, too.”
My pussy locked around him as my body went still. His cock sank into me as his face buried into the crook of my neck. Threads of cum filled up my body as his lips kissed my neck, and I clung to him with every ounce of strength I had. His arm slid under my hips, tilting them closer so he could slide deeper. I shivered at the sensation as my body pulsed against his. My head fell back and I allowed the water to fall onto my face, cleansing me of my anger and sweat as I laid there with Gray hovering over me.
And then, my mind began to clear.
Gray pulled me into his arms and sat us off in the corner. The mist covered us as the soothing sound of water poured from the top of the shower. His lips kissed my shoulder. The crook of my neck. He nuzzled the shell of my ear as our fingers intertwined, but the haze of passion was lifting quickly.
“I need some time to think,” I said.
I felt Gray’s movements still as his lips pulled away from me.
“We’ve been through so much, and I appreciate you being open and honest with me.”
“You deserved nothing less,” he said.
“But so much has happened in a short period of time, and I feel like I can’t breathe right now. I need to get my head on straight, for the baby’s sake. You know?”
He immediately reached up and turned off the misters before shutting off the water. The humidity of the shower fading away helped, but it didn’t completely alleviate my issue. He helped me to my feet and quickly got me a towel, wrapping it around me as I stepped out.
I had the sudden urge to no longer be around him.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be. I understand. Trust me, if anyone understands the rollercoaster ride of emotions you’ve been on, it’s me,” Gray said. “Take all the time you need. You know where to find me, okay?”
It was the most informal way Gray and I had ever left one another after something like that, especially after what we had professed. But the second he left the bathroom, I felt lighter. Freer. Admitting that I loved him and hearing him say it back helped me, but not in the way I thought it would. It helped me to convince myself I wasn’t crazy. That what was developing between us really did happen. But it didn’t do anything to settle the raging war going on in my mind. I stayed in my room the rest of the day, thinking and debating on whether or not to unpack my bag that Gray had dragged back to my doorway.
I tossed and turned all night before waking up just as the sun began to peek over the horizon.
Pulling a summer dress over my head before throwing my hair up into a bun, I slipped into some shoes. I needed to take a walk. I made my way out of my room and pushed through the back door, heading straight for the vineyard. As I walked up the first row of grapes, my mind began to wander. I thought back to my relationship with Gray and how it had evolved and imploded more times than I cared to admit. I loved him. There was no doubt about that. And I believed him when he said he loved me. But it took more than love to build a life with someone, and I didn’t know if we had what it took.
Would he always be so volatile? I wanted a safe and comfortable environment for our child. Would he be able to provide something like that? I knew Gray wanted to be the best father he could be. I saw it in his eyes the day before when he’d finally opened up to me about his past, his fears, and his wishes. I no longer feared not being able to provide for my child, but I did fear being able to provide for myself. I couldn’t continue this tug-of-war with Gray. It was too much, and I was too exhausted. And that exhaustion would only get worse once our child was born.
The best option was always to stick together. I’d love this child, and I knew Gray would as well. But if he couldn’t put his past behind him, then we couldn’t move forward together. If he kept finding reasons not to trust me, then we would never make it together. We’d be two strangers in a massive home who would come to resent one another, and that would bleed over into our parenting.
Could my heart take it if he broke it again?
I honestly wasn’t sure how to answer that question.
The sun rose slowly over the vineyard as I walked up and down the rows. Workers were out checking the grapes. They harvested a few bunches and let me pluck a couple off the vines. One of the men taught me the difference between the red grapes and the green grapes. Not simply their look or their taste, but how the fermentation process affected each of them. How some white wines were made with the skins of red grapes and why. How adding different juices and skins of fruits to different batches affected them in different ways. I enjoyed learning about it. I enjoyed the knowledge these workers were so keen on sharing.
And for a moment, I saw myself doing this every day for the rest of my life.
One of the workers escorted me back to the end of the row and I thanked him for his time. Not only had he provided a great distraction from my raging thoughts, but he helped to cement within me one piece of the puzzle I knew I could count on. If I decided to do this with Gray—if I decided to try and make this work with him one last time—I knew I could stay here. I knew I could integrate into his world. I knew I could find a passion for his business and I could see our child running up and down the sprawling rows of grapes, stuffing his or h
er mouth full of them.
I saw all of that as I looked over the acres of grapes as the sun hung high in the sky.