“Are you thick, Erin? College costs money and we don’t got any.”
“If you talk to Dad—”
“No. It’s not worth it. I don’t need to feel more degraded than I already do. I’m done.” He flung open a suitcase and began tossing clothes inside.
“You can’t leave me here,” she whimpered.
His stare met hers and sympathy flashed in his eyes. “I can’t stay, Erin. Neither can you. You have one more year here and then you can go wherever you want.”
It wasn’t like that for her. Her dad wouldn’t let her just walk away. “What about the store?”
“Fuck that store.”
“But Dad needs you—”
“Fuck Dad!” he roared. “Don’t you get it? He’s never going to change! He’s an abusive prick who loves his business more than he’s ever loved his family. If that fucking store burned to the ground, I’d dance on the ashes, and my only regret would be that he didn’t burn with it.”
It was then she noticed the shine of a fresh black eye on his skin. Her body quaked with adrenaline. “Take me with you.”
“No.”
“Please!”
“No.”
“Harrison, you can’t leave me here!”
“I don’t have enough money to take you. I barely have enough for food and gas. I don’t know where I’m heading and I don’t know where I’ll sleep tonight, but I know I’ll never spend one more night under his roof.”
Watching him pack up his belongings was the most excruciating pain she’d ever known—worse than getting hit with a closed fist and worse than realizing her momma left without even a goodbye.
When he left, she stared after his taillights until they disappeared. Abandoned again.
Erin glanced at the front door of their miserable house. Her father would be home any moment. The cake wasn’t finished and supper wasn’t ready, but she couldn’t bear to return inside. The silent emptiness would kill her for sure.
Staring up the road at the mountain, she ran, just as she’d run a hundred times before. There had been distance between her and Finn lately, and she knew why. He wanted more than friendship from her. He wanted something she didn’t know how to give. He wanted intimacy.
The problem wasn’t with him. Finn was perfect. He was the sweetest, kindest, handsomest guy she’d ever known. But he was also her closest friend and she didn’t want to lose him. It wasn’t fair that her reluctance to take their relationship into romantic territory seemed to be costing her their friendship anyway.
He was her sanctuary, her escape. He suspected her secrets enough to never ask for confirmation, enough to respect that she never wanted to talk about the terrible life she had at home. His home life was so different, and she didn’t think he’d truly understand even if she told him how awful it was, and she lacked the words to adequately explain all the cumbersome emotions she battled to carry and contain.
Finn was patient with her when she was sad or angry and couldn’t explain why. He was gentle when she needed a shoulder to cry on and loyal when she needed a friend to run to. Even now, she knew he would be the only person in the world she could go to, confused and upset, and he’d welcome her with open arms.
The further she ran the steeper the roads sloped. Huffing in heavy breaths, her leg muscles burned, as she cut her arm on a branch and turned off the dirt road. The cabin came into view and she raced up the dusty McCullough drive.
The front door opened and Finn soared down the porch steps, keys in his hands, before noticing her. Erin’s steps slowed as she caught her breath.
“Erin? What are you doing here?”
Her fist wedged into her side where a cramp formed. “Are you leaving?” She didn’t know why she was there, only that she wanted comfort.
“Kate’s in labor. Everyone’s at the hospital.” Such happy family news, such a contrast from her home life.
“Oh.”
He pocketed his car keys and closed the distance between them. “Are you okay?”
He looked into her eyes as if he could read the scars of brail upon her soul. She wasn’t okay. She hadn’t been okay in years. Her life was miserable and, now her brother was gone. She was all alone and scared and angry and unsure what to do with so many terrible feelings. Just once, she wanted to feel safe and loved and taken to a place where there was no possibility of pain.
“Do you have to go?”
He glanced over his shoulder at his car. “They’re expecting me.”
Because they were a family, incomplete without him. She didn’t have anyone that needed her like that. Blinking up at him, her heart scraped painfully like a rusty, old box as she tried to open herself up to him. “What if I asked you to stay?”
“Erin—”
“Please, Finn. I don’t want to be alone tonight. I want…” She swallowed, unsure what she wanted. Desperate to persuade him to stay, she said the one thing she believed he wouldn’t be able to refuse. “I want to be with you.”