The color drains from her face, she goes such a funny ashen shade of white that I feel bad. If I’m supposed to be having a no pressure, fun night, then I shouldn’t have started with such a tricky subject. I don’t know why I didn’t think that! I must be a freaking idiot. Honestly, what a mess I’ve created. If I’m not careful, she’ll end up wanting to leave before the night even begins and I will only have myself to blame.
“He isn’t in the picture,” she eventually replies in a whisper. “He hasn’t ever been. This isn’t something that I really want to talk about if that’s okay with you?” She leaps up from her seat, tears unwittingly filling her eyes as I make her feel awful. “I need to go to the bathroom. I will be right back in a moment.”
My heart sinks as I watch her go. Of course, that was dumb. The idiot obviously crushed her and I just started talking about him. Maybe she’s only just recovered from what happened and I just hurt her again. I make a vow to myself that this is a subject that I will never bring up again. He’s gone, he never was around, my dad even told me as much. I don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to competition.
I sigh and stare at the menu, watching the writing dance about in front of me. I need to be calm, to play it cool, to stop trying to jump about ten steps ahead. It feels like me and Lucie should already be in a comfortable relationship place because I’ve been in love with her for as long as I can remember, but that simply isn’t the case. It’s hard to reel all of that in, but I desperately need to try for her sake. This isn’t about me.
As she eventually comes out of the bathroom, now looking a little calmer, I give her a reassuring smile. I want her to know that it won’t happen again. She seems to get the message, or so I hope because she does sit down with me again and pick up a menu. I keep my mouth sealed as we scan over the items on offer.
“I think I’m going to have spaghetti,” she eventually says in a considered tone of voice. “How about you?”
“Erm, pizza. I remember it being awesome.” I indicate for the waiter to come over. “And what would you like to drink? You were drinking wine last night, weren’t you? Would you like a bottle?”
“I think I better stick to something non alcoholic,” she surprises me by saying. “I don’t think I can hack drinking booze two nights in a row. Especially since I don’t get much sleep at night.”
“Logan?” I ask carefully. She nods and waits. She doesn’t need to worry, I’m not going to say anything about him again without her giving me the green light. “Ah right, I see. Soft drinks it is!”
We place our orders and wait for the waiter to bring our drinks over. Lucie looks a little uncomfortable, but I suppose it isn’t as bad as she could be. I need to just make sure that she doesn’t freak out again.
“So, did you complete college in the end? I forgot to ask you last night when I saw you.”
“I did,” she replies slowly. “But I didn’t stay at college to finish. I did the last bits from home. Because I was doing so well beforehand they allowed me to complete what I could from home.”
I don’t need to ask her why because her hand flutters down to her stomach. I assume this has to be becau
se of Logan. Of course, this leaves me even more intrigued because it seems that I might know the father. Not that I can ask, maybe at some point a bit later on I will try to work out if I know the person.
“Well, that’s a real achievement so I’m proud of you for that! You did better than me anyway!”
She laughs and blushes while tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, I suppose so. Now I just need to do something with it! I haven’t exactly managed to make my dreams come true.”
“And what would you like to do? Out of what you told me already, I mean.”
“Oh, I still want to travel – especially after seeing all those pictures you showed me! London looks beautiful… but I’m a long time away from that.” I swallow down the temptation to offer to take her. One step at a time, not a long haul vacation. Plus, I’ve only just started working, I can’t have time off. “And writing too. I still want to do that. I would love to write articles or a novel… something along those lines.”
“I’m sure that’s something you’ll be able to achieve at some point. There’s still plenty of time.”
“I hope you’re right.” She gives me a serious look. “I would love to, I just don’t have the time at the moment. The little man keeps me incredibly busy. I’m sure it’ll change when he goes to school.”
“Yeah, that’s when you should start to get some of your life back.”
Maybe I’ve come back at the very right time because she will have time to think about dating again. If Logan was still a baby, she probably wouldn’t be wide awake enough to even consider me. Now though, her son is about to get into the schooling system and she’ll have time to think about me. Not that I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m still trying so hard not to fall too head over heels in love.
“Oh, I know.” She giggles. “It’s going to be really weird. I might even have to move out of my parent’s house at last. It certainly wasn’t my long term plan to stay for so long. It was supposed to only be in the beginning, but it’s been so hard that I’ve stayed. When Logan goes to school though, it’ll change.”
“Yes, I know how that feels. I need to get out of my parent’s home too!” I reassure her. “I’m just staying while I get used to working in the company, then I’ll concentrate on getting my own space.”
I can’t stop myself, I picture us doing that together, getting a little home for all of us as a family. I know that I’m an idiot, I can’t help getting carried away, it’s madness. There isn’t anyone else in the world that I want to commit to, but when it comes to Lucie that’s all I want. She has such a hold on me. A powerful spell.
“Then we might be able to consider ourselves real grown ups! If you can imagine that…”
As we both share a laugh and any awkwardness finally dispels, I can’t stop myself from grinning like an idiot. I think this is the happiest that I’ve ever been in my whole entire life, I don’t want it to end.
“Oh, after we’ve been here we should go for a walk down the track where we used to ride our bikes!” I blurt out on impulse. “Take a real trip down memory lane, what do you think?”
Lucie looks down and a redness tinges her cheeks. “I actually go there all the time, it’s one of Logan’s favorite places…” Of course, it isn’t novelty to Lucie. I keep forgetting that she’s been here the whole time. “But I would love to. It’ll be fun to go with you. I better you remember loads of stuff that I don’t.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief. This is actually going better than I expected it to. Now that we’ve got back on an even keel, all is wonderful. Maybe, if I play my cars right and I’m really lucky, I might even get myself one more cheeky kiss…