Josie was the first girl I had ever actually loved, and the feeling was absolutely amazing. I jumped into my car and headed off, replaying the thought over and over again in my head. I loved this girl, and it wasn’t just any love. I knew I would love her for as long as I had air in my lungs. I knew I would want her every time I was around her, and there was no stopping that. Despite the intrusion of her father and his addiction, this night had been the best one in my entire life. I had finally realized what being in love was all about, and I never wanted the feeling to end.
Chapter 16
Josie
I was exhausted. Between the hot sex with Blaine and the fact that I stayed up all night trying to find out who punched my father, there wasn’t a whole lot left of me. My father refused to tell me what was going on, and he’d turned to his computer screen, completely ignoring me. I stormed away and shut myself in my room, raging mad.
I stuck my neck out every single day for that man, and he had the audacity to hide his whereabouts from me. He didn’t have any respect for all the things I did for him, and even after all this time, I still couldn’t help but feel hurt by that fact. When I went to bed, I still couldn’t sleep. I laid awake in my bed, thinking about my father. Although I acted tough on the outside, on the inside, my thoughts were much more kind and caring for my dad. I was terrified that he had fallen in with the wrong group of people, taking loans that he could never afford to pay back, and satisfying his gambling addiction with that.
I had no idea what to do about this new twist on his old problem. I had seen him get tangled up with the wrong guys before, and it never turned out pretty for anyone. They had beaten the crap out of my father, and I had to empty my savings to pay back all the money he was indebted to them for. I was lucky that it appeased them, but I knew if it happened again, it would not be as simple or clean. I didn’t know what to do, no matter how hard I thought about it. If my father had gotten himself into trouble again, it meant I was in trouble, too. I had every right in the world to know what happened, but still, my father sat silent.
I was so incredibly frustrated by that man, and I was still pissed off the next morning after a restless night. I got dressed and made it to school early, not wanting to sit at my father’s breakfast table in an awkward silence. I sat down at my desk in my empty classroom, pulling out my phone and realizing that Blaine had texted me. I was so caught up in my father that morning, I had completely missed his texts.
Blaine: Hey there, beautiful. Do I get to see you tonight?”
Josie: I wish I could, but with my father back, I need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him. I need to focus on him now, knowing that things cannot continue to go the way they have been. I can’t take much more of it.
Blaine: I understand. Did you find anything out about the bruise on his chin?
Josie: No, he won’t talk to me about it. I’m getting the silent treatment like my students give me.
Blaine: I’m sure he will tell you in time.
Josie: I’m sure. Anyway, speaking of students, mine will be here soon. I’ll text you later and let you know how everything went.
Blaine: You better. Love you, sweetheart.
Josie: Love you, too.
I smiled as I read the texts out loud, excited that I could say those words and know that they were true. I went through the rest of my day in robot mode, just trying to get to the end of the day without any emotional outbursts. When school was over, I took a deep breath, knowing the only thing I had to look forward to that night was forcing my father to admit to me what he had done. I wanted Blaine to be by my side so badly, but I also knew my father barely talked to me, much less my new boyfriend that he probably didn’t even recognize.
When I got home, my father was still sitting at the computer and didn’t even look up to say hello to me. I walked into the kitchen and started dinner, pulling out a pot roast and potatoes because I knew it was his favorite meal. I thought maybe if I got him in a good enough mood, he would open up to me a little. At least, that was what I hoped would happen. Whether it would work or not was a completely different story. I stood there in the kitchen, thinking about everything while dinner was cooking. When I pulled it out of the oven, I set the table and called my father over to sit down. He grumbled something and walked over to his seat, looking at the food but not changing his expression.
While we were eating, I ran over what I wanted to say in my head several times, trying to come up with the words that would break through to my father. Ever since he had fallen deeper into his addiction, he had blocked me out and had become incapable of any emotional connection with me at all. It was really difficult to get to the root of any of his problems when he refused to talk to me about them. He had long passed the arguing stage where he tried to convince me he was fine. Now, he just grumbled and whispered under his breath. The fact that he was so miserable broke my heart, especially since I could clearly remember my father as a jubilant and kind man, who loved me very much. Even after his gambling addiction took hold, he would come home and thank me for staying when my mother up and left.
“Dad,” I said, putting down my fork. “I want to talk. Something has got to change here. We can’t keep living like this. I don’t know who did that to your face, but I can see that you are back on a dangerous path. If you can’t open up to me, I can’t help you, and I’m terrified that something horrible is going to happen to you. I love you so much, and it kills me to see you getting hurt.”
I stopped and stared at him, waiting for a response. He pushed the food around on his plate and mumbled something to himself. He shoveled some potatoes into his mouth and went on with his meal, ignoring everything I was saying
. However, as a fist started pounding loudly on the door, he could no longer ignore his surroundings. I watched my father’s face go from angry to fearful very quickly, and his fork tapped against his plate as his hands began to shake. He was absolutely terrified, which made me scared to go to the door. I sighed and pushed my chair back, but he reached out and grabbed my arm, shaking his head. We sat there silently for several moments, hoping that whoever it was would think we weren’t home and would leave.
However, as I went to sit back down, the pounding started again, and I realized this was no random person at the door. It had to be whoever my father had pissed off recently. I took in a deep breath and shrugged my father’s hand from my arm. I got up and walked over to the door, hoping that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. I needed to know just what we were facing and how deep my father had gotten into trouble. I didn’t have the kind of money saved like last time, so I prayed it was minor compared to that. I took another deep breath and opened the door, almost afraid to look up at the people standing in the doorway.
I tilted my head as I stared out at a tall, thin man with slicked back black hair and a very tall and large woman with a scowl on her face. She looked like she already had plans for me, and I grabbed tightly to the doorknob to stop my hand from shaking. I looked back at the man and stared at him as he flashed a huge smile.
“Hello there,” he said with a thick Italian accent. “I’m Paulie. I’m a friend of your dad’s.”
I stood there staring at him, knowing my father didn’t have any actual friends. This guy was not your typical suburban guy, and I knew he was here on business, not pleasure. Before I could say anything, Paulie’s eyes shifted behind me to my father sitting at the table. His grin turned menacing, and he pushed past me before I could even think about inviting him inside. I turned and watched as he stood next to my father at the table and leaned over into his face. My father was gritting his teeth and listening to Paulie curse at him under his breath. The woman shoved past me, and I turned, closing the door behind us.
I turned back toward them and watched as the woman followed after Paulie. I couldn’t help but notice the coldness in her eyes. When she looked at me, it was like she was looking through me, and it was an eerie feeling. Paulie was still standing over my father, casting his shadow onto the wall and obviously bullying him. I couldn’t completely hear what he was saying, but I didn’t like the tone of his body language at all.
“What do you want?” I asked, needing to find out the details and get these people out of the house.
“Oh, there is no financial attachment to this debt anymore,” Paulie said, standing up and looking at me. “There was a bit of money owed, but I worked something out that would take care of the debt.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about. If there was no debt left to pay, then why were they here? I didn’t give a shit at this point, so I stepped forward with clenched fists.
“You hear that, asshat,” Paulie said shouting at my father. “You are so weak, and now, your daughter will pay the price for your debt.”