Carrie didn’t curse me, or yell, or even show that she was hurt by the choice that I had demanded of her. She didn’t make me feel guilty and she didn’t even ask why I would go to such an extreme.
Instead, her answer was simple, almost unfitting for the situation.
“Fine,” she replied, without her gaze so much as wavering from mine. Her body language was stoic, and her tone was placid.
I supposed that at that point, there was no reason for her to react any other way. I had given her an ultimatum and she had made her choice. There was no further room or need for discussion.
However, when I watched her calmly turn around and walk toward the door, I certainly didn’t feel as though I had gotten what I wanted.
In fact, I regretted nearly every decision I had made since meeting Carrie, though I still couldn’t justify a reason behind the commitment I had to her.
Chapter 13: Carrie
I was livid and more hurt than I could ever remember being. Inside, I was quaking with anger and pain, which surprised me when my expression and tone came out even.
However, I quickly decided, in that moment, when he had finally demanded I make that choice, that his decision to give me an ultimatum was a damn good reason to simply get the hell away from him.
Obviously, I was wrong about him.
I guess I’m not as good as judge of character as I thought I was… I told myself as I turned back toward the door.
I didn’t really have a plan, though I knew that I wasn’t going to stay a moment longer in a place where I was unwanted. Johnathan had made it abundantly clear that it was time to move on.
So, I walked toward the door, unwaveringly, trying not to show any sign of my distress. The aggravation he had caused made my head hurt and my ankle pulse with the rushing blood. However, I wasn’t going to show Johnathan any of that. I was done trying to figure him out.
I was done with him.
After all, how could he possibly do that to anyone, let alone a person who has tried to be nothing but nice to him.
Sure, he saved my life and I owed him a great debt for that, but I wasn’t about to exchange one form of abuse for another. I wasn’t going to be a martyr for a cause that I knew nothing about, simply so that he could pretend he isn’t attracted to me.
I knew the truth and while I wished he would see past his insecurities and trust me enough to let me in, I couldn’t make him do anything. I was sick of trying to figure out how to please him when all he seemed interested in was making me feel bad for one decision. I didn’t deserve that, and I wasn’t going to stand for him implying that I was a whore.
I had far more self-respect than that and there was no way in hell I was going to let him take that away.
When I opened the door and stepped out into the cool, mountain air, I drew in a deep breath, before moving forward and shutting the door behind me.
I limped away from the cabin and as I did, I heard the door opened and Johnathan’s voice call, in a slightly desperate manner, “Carrie! Come back! You can’t go out there like that! You still need to heal!”
I heard footsteps behind me and I quickened my pace. I wasn’t going to let him find me and talk me back into being trapped in the cabin with him for another second.
I had resolved that there was absolutely nothing I could do right, or to help him get over whatever it was that plagued him. While I wished things were different, I couldn’t help him change if he wasn’t wiling to put forth the effort, so there was nothing more I could do.
“Come on, Carrie…” Johnathan called, somewhat contritely, from only a few feet behind me, “I know you’re not ready to leave…You might get hurt.”
Knowing that it was only a moment more before he found me, I whipped around and screamed back into the woods, “I don’t need you! I never have!”
Instantly, I saw Jake break through the thicket that surrounded me, wagging his tail, and running toward me, happy that he was able to track me down. I narrowed my eyes at him.
“No!” I insisted, putting my arms up to signal I didn’t want him to go any closer. “Go home!”
Jake stopped and backed up slightly but tilted his head as though he didn’t understand.
“You heard me, go home!”
I felt bad for being so mean to Jake, but I didn’t want to go back to the cabin and if I went with Jake, I knew that was exactly where I’d end up.
“Go home!” I repeated, and the dog ducked down and whined, as though he was hurt by the way I was acting.