“That’s entirely up to you, Carrie. You can hold onto it, pull strength from who you were through it, or you can burn it,” he shrugged, “Not that I care what you do about it, but I would hold onto it for a little while, if I were you, because these are all the clothes you have left.” He sighed and then asked, as though we hadn’t shared any kind of a moment, “So, are you hungry, by any chance?”
At first, I was caught off guard by the abrupt change in subject, considering it felt as though we were garnishing something of a connection. He was genuinely trying to help me. His advice was solid, and it gave me the impression that he knew what I was talking about.
Obviously, he had something screwed up happen to him. I thought but was still impressed by the idea that he was able to put it into words. Most men either wouldn’t do that or were simply incapable of such a feat.
“Yes, I am pretty hungry, actually,” I eventually replied, once again realizing the sensation as soon as it was suggested to me. Despite the randomness, he did have a point. It was time to eat, so I guessed that was his way of staving off having such a meaningful conve
rsation.
I was okay with that.
“Good. I’m glad you have an appetite,” with that, Johnathan turned toward the fire and took the same pot off the stove, pouring the contents into two bowls. “Sorry about the food. I make stuff in bulk and eat it until it’s gone. There’s really no great refrigeration system up here, without electricity.”
Just like that, my therapy session was over.
“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, as he handed me one of the bowls, “It tastes good and I’m starving.”
For a while, we ate in silence. I wanted to speak to him, especially since it seemed like he was far more open to the prospect of having a normal conversation. However, I wasn’t quite sure what to say.
So, instead of speaking, I focused on him, while trying to avoid being overly creepy or weird.
Whenever he wasn’t looking, I would study his face and his mannerisms. I could tell right away, that he hadn’t always lived up here. He knew how to live among people. He wasn’t socially awkward.
Actually, I found that he was fairly confident. Everything he did, he had a reason. I wasn’t sure why I knew this or thought this about him, but I was certain that I was right.
Through my spying, I also noticed that under the roughness of the man who lived in the mountains, there is something normal and traditionally attractive about him. He wore his mountain man look well but I guessed that underneath all of that hair and tattered clothing, there was a truly astonishingly striking man.
I thought about the dream and my cheeks reddened, not wanting to admit that the more time I spent with him, the more interested I became in knowing him.
“You were right, you know,” I finally spoke when, halfway through the meal, the silence was getting overwhelmed by my own, confused thoughts.
“About what, exactly?” Johnathan peered up from his bowl and locked eyes with me before the corner of his lip twitched up in a grin and his eyes sparkled with humor, “I’m right quite a lot. You’re gonna have to be more specific.”
I chuckled, more out of shock that he had made a joke, and shook my head, deciding to continue with the conversation I felt we needed to have.
“You were right about me coming out here all by myself. It was a stupid thing to do and guide or not, you’re right; being up here all alone with a man I didn’t know was really fucking stupid.”
Johnathan didn’t respond right away, but the look in his eye made me regret bringing it up again.
“I’m trying to apologize. I’m sorry for the way I reacted,” I answered, “I was just defensive, because I know it was stupid. I knew it was stupid when I was doing it and if I didn’t, my friends certainly told me enough times before I left.”
“But, you’re stubborn. You wanted to do it, so you were willing to take whatever risk you needed to take?” Johnathan hissed, sounding as though even my apology was upsetting him.
“Yeah, I guess,” I shrugged, “I just wanted a little adventure. I was bored with school and no one else wanted to go with me. I had to make my own way, or I would never go.”
“Well, you certainly got the adventure you were after, I guess,” Johnathan retorted, before taking my bowl away and bringing the dishes to the sink.
I was stunned to silence, completely unsure of exactly what I should say to him. I didn’t want to argue anymore but I was a little insulted.
So, I simply stopped talking. I could tell by the darkness surrounding the outside of the cabin that it was getting late, so I allowed the exhaustion that plagued me to consume me.
Hopefully tomorrow would be better.
Chapter 8: Johnathan
After I spoke, I immediately regretted it. However, I was far too stubborn myself to admit that. So, when Carrie simply took my silence as an opportunity to go to sleep, I let her without ever offering up my own apology.
I wasn’t sure why I had gotten so defensive. I was fine until she mentioned the stupid instance with the man in the woods. Instantly, my anger returned, but I wasn’t angry with Carrie.