Reese and I worked out an arrangement – he came over a few times a week to spend time with Eli. And eventually, I let Reese take his son to the park and out on trips, just the two of them. I knew the day was coming where he'd want to tell Eli the truth about who he was, and I knew I needed to break the news to my family too. But I kept pushing it off. Part of me was just waiting for something to happen and for Reese to disappear. And the other part of me was just plain terrified to do it.
But the fear of him bolting was diminishing day by day. It didn't scare me as much now that we'd been doing this for a few months. I was slowly starting to believe that this was real. That Reese was going to be a permanent part of Eli's life.
But I was still afraid of how my parents would react when I told them who Eli's father was. I'd lied to them about the father of their grandson, acted like I had no clue where to find him all these years. When all along, I knew.
I knew because it had to be Reese. He was my first, and at that time, my only.
And the day would come that I'd have to admit that to everyone, Eli included.
And one evening, after Reese dropped Eli off, he stuck around until we put our son to bed, together. It was something that was becoming more and more common and something I was beginning to enjoy. I could tell there was something on his mind though, and I prepared myself for the talk I'd been dreading since I told Reese about his son.
As Reese closed the door to Eli's bedroom, he smiled at me. “Asleep at last.”
“You spoil him, you know? I only read him one book, then it's off to sleep.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said, sitting down on the couch beside me instead of across from me. “But I can't help it. When he asks, it's so hard for me to say no.”
“Oh trust me, I know,” I said.
“I know you do,” he said. “I really can't say it enough, Maya, but thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being amazing. Seriously, I couldn't ask for a better mother for my kid.”
I could feel myself blushing, my cheeks were literally on fire. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him, but Reese surprised me by reaching out and lifting my face up to look him in the eyes.
“Thank you, Reese,” I said, my voice soft. “I just love that little guy. More than life itself.”
“I know you do, Maya. And I love him too.”
I stared into his eyes and knew he meant it. He meant every word he was saying.
He continued, “And I think I may be falling in love with you too.”
My heart stopped. Everything stopped. It was like time was standing still as I looked at Reese, trying to figure out if I'd heard him correctly. No way. No way did I hear him right.
“What?” I finally asked, shaking my head as if trying to wake myself from a dream. “I missed that. What did you say?”
“I said I think I'm falling in love with you too,” he said, speaking louder this time. He looked so sure of himself, as if he'd known for a while now, but it was a surprise to me. “Seeing you with Eli, watching you with our son, it made me see what an amazing woman you are. So, strong, so loving, so beautiful... I just can't –”
Before he could say another word, I kissed him – which surprised us both. His lips felt as nice as they had all those years before, and when his tongue pushed past my lips and into my mouth, it took my breath away – just like it had before.
As hard as it was, I pulled away.
“Stop,” I said, putting my hand on his chest to keep us apart. “We can't do this.”
“You're the one who kissed me,” he said with a smile.
“I know, I'm mainly talking to myself right now.”
Deep breaths, Maya. Deep breaths. I had to step away. I couldn't let my childhood crush get the better of me, not when there was a child in the middle of all this. Reese reached out and stroked my cheek, and I so badly wanted to lean into that touch, but I stayed strong.
“We can't do this, Reese,” I said again. “You, me, it's not going to work.”
“And why not? I mean, we already have a kid together, why can't you and I be together like that? For real?”
“For real? As in girlfriend and boyfriend?” I scoffed. “Because what happens if we break up? What happens if things go south? Right now, we have a nice arrangement that works. We're civil, we get along well enough, we don't hate each other's guts, but what happens if we do this and then it doesn't work out –”