Eli smiled a toothy grin, his dark eyes so sweet and filled with so much love. My son was already getting so big; he was growing up. One day he'd hear the insults Luke threw at me and he'd understand that they were about him. Which was why I needed to put a stop to that. My son didn't need to feel like he was a burden. He was a choice. I chose to keep him. And that was a choice I never regretted – not even for a second, even though my dreams of being a doctor flew right out the window.
“What do you mean you're having a friend over? You know it's family dinner night,” my mom said as she and Luke walked into the kitchen. “It's for family only.”
Luke went to the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk, drinking from it before my mom shot him a dirty look. He grabbed a glass and rolled his eyes.
“Come on, mom. You know Reese. He's like family, isn't he?”
My heart stopped. Literally, it stopped in my chest as I fed Eli his animal crackers. I stared up at Luke, eyes wide, a nervous energy making my body hum.
“Reese? Didn't he move a long time ago?”
“Yeah, but he's back. The LA thing didn't work out too well,” he said.
“He's back?” I choked.
“Yeah, you deaf or what?” Luke turned to me with a scowl on his face. “Oh, you don't still have a crush on him, do you? He's not into MILF's, sorry.”
My hands were shaking, so I kept them underneath the table. I focused my attention on my son, trying to keep from fighting with my brother. You'd think that a twenty-five-year-old man wouldn't act like he was twelve, but he always got away with murder – even now. Mom let him talk to me this way, without so much as sticking up for me, and I hated it.
“He's not family,” I said., trying to answer for mom, hoping she'd agree with me. “Why can't he come over another night?”
“Because he just got back in town and I want to see him,” Luke said.
“Well see him,” I said. “But he doesn't have to come to dinner.”
“Oh, okay. I'll just skip dinner with the family then –”
Mom finally spoke up, shouting above both of us, “Fine, yes, invite him over. No one misses family dinner.”
She left the room in a huff, leaving me with my obnoxious older brother who looked pleased as punch. He smirked at me, and I swear, it took everything in me not to smack that smile right off his dumb looking face.
No one missed family dinner. My mom said it herself. Nobody missed it without suffering some dire consequences – usually in the form of a never-ending guilt trip. So, I knew there was no way I could get out of the dinner despite the fact that I desperately wanted to.
I racked my brain trying to figure some way
out of this mess but was coming up empty at every turn. Maybe if I pretended to be sick? Maybe that would work? Nah, she rarely bought illness as an excuse for anything. Her standard response would likely be telling me to suck it up and be there. I came to the inescapable conclusion that nothing outside of my death would get me out of this.
So, the only thing left for me to do was to talk myself down from the ledge.
It was going to be okay. There was no way Reese could know Eli is his son. Right? In fact, he probably wouldn't even look at me. He likely wanted to avoid me just as much as I wanted to avoid him. Just keep my head down and avoid speaking or making eye contact – just like I used to do when I was young – and hopefully he wouldn't ask about the child sitting next to me that happened to look just like him.
Shit.
Okay, so maybe I noticed the resemblance because I knew the truth of his parentage. It seemed more than obvious to me, but my family – not even Luke – had put two-and-two together. So, maybe Reese wouldn't either. After all, we'd had our one night fling four years ago. Maybe – if I was really lucky – he even forgotten we'd ever slept together. That would be good. That would be very good. In fact, it would be ideal.
As dinnertime approached, I found myself pacing the living room, a knot and a side order of butterflies battling it out in my stomach. Eli was playing on the floor and I was keeping an eye on him, making sure he didn't go near those damn birds again. But I was beyond distracted and couldn't focus on anything.
I listened for any sound that would signal Reese's arrival. I listened for a car pulling up. Footsteps on the front porch. The sound of his voice. Since he and my brother often came in through the back door off the driveway – through the kitchen – I felt relatively safe in the living room. At least, for the moment. I couldn't help but pace as I listened and tried to prepare myself for what was about to happen.
He'd be what, twenty-five now? Like my brother? He could have changed and grown up a lot since I'd last seen him. Maybe he was a completely different man. Perhaps life in LA had changed him. Maybe for the better. Maybe, he'd become a responsible adult who was putting his life in order.
Maybe, he had the right to know he had a son.
I looked down at Eli, at his sweet face, and it broke my heart that he might never know his father. Every little boy deserved to know who his dad was. But that competed with my belief that not every dad deserved to know who his son was. Some men wanted to be in their lives and others didn't. Would not knowing his father be better than the rejection of a man who wanted nothing to do with you?
And what kind of man would Reese actually be?
So many thoughts. So many questions. None of them had answers.